Overcoming Private Speaking: A Personal Journey

Salt Lake City, 2016

“So, what do you want to talk about?”

Oh God. It still chills me to think about that question, even more than getting asked a question at all. They say public speaking scares more people than death, but I had a slightly different problem, private speaking. The guy across from me might have found it harmless, but the old me would have become a whimpering mess.

Cue flashback: first grade. Seven of us found ourselves tasked with making a skit. We needed to assign roles, but the thought of saying anything made my heart freeze. But suddenly, I had a moment of genius, play the villain. Since no one could in any way consider me maniacal, I could play the villain easily; I exposed nothing vulnerable.

Cut to sixth grade. I sat at

A boy stood over my desk. I did not know what he wanted, but I sure could not talk to him. I didn’t know him! How could I talk to him? I turned my head back into the safety of my book without a word and listened for his footsteps to walk away from my desk. Unfortunately, my gratefulness for his leaving soon turned to disappointment that I had missed an opportunity to reach out. I kicked myself internally, but moved on.

Freshman year. My mom did not think I would make a good fit for speech club, given my lack of social skills and shy attitude. However, I felt intrigued by the idea of challenging myself with debate, and my dad encouraged the idea, so I went all out. I paid for membership; I bought a suit for tournaments; I went to every practice, all without the partner I would need to compete.

The coach assigned me to the only other person as shy as me, telling us to stay in constant communication to coordinate research for tournaments. After exchanging numbers, we never talked outside practice again. In rounds, we failed to communicate with each other, so our arguments collapsed. She quit after three months, but I had invested myself; I would not