My Spiritual Life

There’s a lot that I have to be thankful to God for this month, just for all the ways he’s been speaking to me through messages, ministry and recent events.

I think that my relationship with God has taken on a new, different dimension since the prayer retreats and talks at the end of last month. God seems even more real and the way that I can pray and relate with him now seems more “relational and personal.” In general I’ve been able to identity as spiritual thirst this nagging feeling that I’ve always had before, of insecurity or of being unsettled. Before, I didn’t really understand or know what to do about this feeling so I would seek distraction or escape – or reassurance in the image of togetherness or competence that I kept of myself. This past month, I actually experienced that drive to go find some solitude to pray on a regular basis, and when I have a couple of days of just going through the motions of DT and prayer, I can sense more quickly that spiritual dryness creeping in. I’ve been blessed to find the Psalms speaking to me a lot more – Psalm 42, “my soul thirsts for God, for the living God, when can I go and meet with God?” (I also recently realized how pretty much all Christian song lyrics are taken directly out of Psalms, just this chapter alone contains “as the deer pants for streams of water; why are you so downcast O my soul; deep calls to deep”). I’m encouraged because the fact that I can personally relate with the Psalms seems to be a sign that my relationship with God is deepening in areas completely new to me.

The DT’s through 2 Corinthians and Ajith Fernando’s message really convicted me about my avoidance of pain and discomfort in relationships. Looking back at my ministry, I recognize again how I’...

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... do I need to be a good steward of all the training and experiences that I’ve had in the last six years, and be willing to go down with the attitude of willingly expending myself for God’s ministry and not holding back. Daniel also brought to my attention how I was pretty careless during that trip of be ignorant of people’s needs around me and how that ends up being a community killer. Boy, I need to be a lot more self-aware about stuff like this, especially in light of that point Ajith Fernando made about how the only way to foster a spirit of commitment and unity in the church is for the leaders to die to themselves and be all the way committed – the same thing applies to money and other things that will determine whether I will be a community killer or community builder to the Riverside church. My position as a leader makes this an even more critical issue.