Murder? Oh wait! You Mean an English Paper! Oh! OK!

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Murder? Oh wait! You Mean an English Paper! Oh! OK!

If you ever wanted to kill someone,

Like bury their body in your backyard kind of kill,

It was probably the moment your English teach spoke these words…

“Your. Next. English. Paper. Is. Due. Next. Monday.”

Cringing, you think desperately for a topic to write about.

A topic you feel strongly about,

A topic worth 20% of your grade.

Oh goodness, you begin to hyperventilate.

What do you feel strongly about again?

You’re only seventeen!!! You’re supposed to know that already?!

So you ponder.

Opposite.

Opposite.

A paper about the opposite of something you feel strongly about.

So. You. Think.

Gay Marriage. NO!

You refuse to write a paper about why people.

Yes, PEOPLE!!

Should not have the right to get married.

Drugs. NO!

You refuse to write a paper why drugs are good.

Laughing to yourself about even the thought of that, you move on to the next possibility.

Alcohol. NEGATIVE!

You think to yourself, ‘Hmmm… In what incident does alcohol NOT make one look like an idiot?”

The stories from your English class are enough to help you keep that belief.

Lost. Confused. You don’t know WHAT to write about.

So you choose the one thing you can think of, pickles.

Why pickles should be eaten with cream cheese.

The opposite.

Why pickles shouldn’t be eaten with cream cheese.

Well that fails! [crumbling up the stupid paper… you didn’t like it anyway. Loser.]

Amazing how a rant about pickles can be so amusing… But not work with the topic at hand.

And you thought pickles always worked. [note sarcasm]

And now, you have come to your final resort.

Murder…. YOU MEAN!!! Rewriting the English paper…

Not murder… Goodness that’s just silly.

Who murders over a college English paper?

You do obviously… Frustration got the best of you?

Check please!

Placing your hand to your face you ponder.

Your mind a complete blank.

You begin to think about what you had for lunch.

What did you have for lunch?

[sigh] Now you’re just getting off the topic at han

You can’t think like this.

Your mind has gone on complete shut down and you can think of nothing.

Taking a break (break… yeah… even though you hadn’t really been working to begin with) you go and get some pickles and cream cheese to calm your raging nerves.

Your pounding heart.

And finally decide…

why papers like this should not be assigned to college students.

The opposite.

why papers like this should be assigned to college students.

Ok, you know your English teacher meant all the best by assigning this paper.

But secretly you blame your current illness on the stress caused by the receiving of this damned paper.

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