Monologue From Not About Angels By Birdy

Song for this part: Not about Angels - Birdy
LUCIAN’S POV
Two days later I found myself in that state. That state when I questioned myself what I am doing with my life. When not even day and night matters.
A wave of anxiety comes to make my life miserable. It keeps me from eating and sleeping. I’m a robot. I feel like I would be stuck behind a wall, no one hears my screaming.
The other day I heard my mother cry while she speaking to her sister on the phone. I didn’t have to ask. I know that the reason for her tears.
That day I felt like I let my whole family down. It’s when I realized that I had failed with who I was supposed to be, with my part of the family.
Hell I don’t know what I was thinking. Do I regret? Yes. Because I couldn’t believe that I once wanted

“You were looking at me,” she says way too low.
“I know” I whisper my cheeks heats up.
“Why do you like Viking?”
“Why do ask so many questions?” she asks me. I’m astonished by the way she treats me. Once I treated her like this, it’s like karma. It feels like a deep cut.
“I want to know” I challenge.
“I just want get to know you better.”
“Why would you even care?” she huffs and takes a sip from her cup.
“I care! Damn it Noelle can’t you see that I am trying?”
Noelle’s POV. He admitted that he was trying, but all I wanted to hear was that he was sorry. I stare blankly into Lucian until his sky blue eyes finally stare back at me.
“I know that you are trying but those mood swings that you have just makes me confused” I admit and leave my cup empty. His cup is still full maybe he didn’t like my chocolate?
Lucian doesn’t say anything he looks hurt. It wasn’t my intention to hurt him. I feel the regret coming before I can say anything he stops me
“I didn’t chose this thing to happen to me” he defends himself.
Is he trying to find a way out of all this? I’m still waiting for his apology. “I know exactly what you mean but still, you hurt me