Melody Beattie's Codependent No More

Summary

What exactly is the meaning of the term codependent? Codependency is described as an excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, specifically a partner who requires support due to sickness or an addiction. In “Co-dependent No More”, author Melody Beattie describes the key to understanding codependency while unraveling its hampering hold on an individual’s life. Beattie wrote her book which can be used as a self-improvement book that helps guide humans to investigate into their own retched thoughts and attack them head on. Beattie’s book also guides readers to learn to detach themselves from toxicity in other humans. She describes throughout her book to leave individuals that cause others harm whether it be

mentally, physically, or emotionally. The book truly is an eye-opener which shows individuals that they do not have to immerse themselves so strongly into another person’s life which leads humans to lose themselves. The book leads paths towards: self-love, self-discovery, while learning how to deal with difficult relationships. The book does not have to be read by people in relationships with toxic people, but for anyone who is trying to fix a toxic relationship. It also allows people to realize that their instruction has the power to wreck current and future relationships if the individual allows. The principles of the book are often easy to comprehend due to Beattie’s simple, straightforward type of writing. Beattie breaks down disregarded learned behaviors passed down through generations that is obtained with certain coping mechanisms.
Co-dependent No More begins by an individual describing their story.

The story is told by Jessica, a 32-year-old woman married to an alcoholic. She describes throughout the first chapter than she cannot function in life anymore and that she suffers from depression due to codependency. She states that when she is awoken and not taking naps which she describes is a necessity, she often is uncontrollable with her feelings and is always blaming her alcoholic husband for everything. She declares that she switches from different emotional factors including anger to fear while describing how her mood changes throughout her day. The chapter goes on to describe that the husband becomes sober but indeed Jessica was affected by the husband’s drunkenness and made the situation her problem. Beattie describes that Jessica was not insane but that she was codependent. Chapter 2 describes a man named Gerald who was married into an unhealthy relationship for thirteen years until him and his ex-wife divorced. Gerald was a successful man but was not victorious at relationships. After his divorce, Gerald moved on to a similar woman like his first relationship, a daily alcoholic. Gerald’s life was consumed around alcoholics in the attempt to save them. Gerald admitted to being codependent. Beattie uses different stories from different types of people in chapter 2 to describe the complexity of codependency. Beattie uses the next chapter to describe the definition of codependency while giving a

brief history. She describes that it is often related to the word “react”.

Beattie uses chapter 4 to describe certain codependent characteristics. Certain individual behaviors include: anger, miscellaneous, controlling, overprotective, repression, caretaking,

denial and many more. Chapter 5 discusses attachment and detachment. Author Beattie states that detachment is the responsibility for ourselves and others to let others be held accountable for themselves. She also states that attachment is an obsession which requires mental, physical, and emotional energy. Beattie gets her point across that obsession is a terrible thing to experience or to see someone else experience. In chapter 6, Beattie informs readers to not react to everything. Beattie also informs readers that most codependents are indeed reactionary and their reactions are full of negative emotions including: anger and fear. She describes that most codependents are reactionary due to fear and anxiety and that it is just a natural habit of life. Chapter 7 is the process of learning to set yourself free, while chapter 8 discusses removing the victim using the Karpman Triangle. The Karpman Triangle consists of three factors: rescuer, persecutor, and victim. Beattie goes into full detail of the true definition of rescue. The next chapter talks about how certain individuals can become so codependent and attached, losing themselves. Beattie states to learn to un-depend for these individuals. Chapters 10, 12, and 13 all discuss self-love and to live your life revolving around yourself. Beattie states to love yourself and to quit depending on others. These chapters go over the importance of taking responsibility of yourself and not holding others accountable for yourself. In the last chapter of the book, the author describes anger and how you can control certain anger situations.
My reaction to the book
The book allowed me to see why some people react they do under certain circumstances. One of my closest friends, who was on my basketball team is indeed co-dependent. She cannot survive on her own, she cannot make a decision on her own, she is constantly worried about taking care of everyone else, mainly her boyfriend, while forgetting about herself. My friend was in a toxic relationship that left her feeling worthless and unneeded. Thankfully, the relationship ended but she did not know how to cope and move forward with her life. Sadly, she is back into the toxic relationship and her life is a constant turmoil, which I believe she brings on herself. It saddens me to realize that individuals live their daily lives, hiding behind a secret world. Reading each chapter of “Co-Dependent No More”, has allowed me to put codependency into real life circumstances. The book will help me pay closer attention to warning signs and signals to others around me. I also enjoyed how the book taught me that if I am ever codependent, that it is up to myself only to decide what issues I need to fix and what I need to work on. The book has also taught me to not let another individual control my life. I am the owner of my body and I am the only one who can lead my path in the right way of life with a healthy relationship and no codependency. Overall, I would definitely recommend this book to anyone in a relationship struggling with codependency. I would also show this book to other individuals that are in alcoholic relationships that suffer from codependency.