Lobster In The Great Gatsby

Lobster.

So I have written a word today, great! Who said being unemployed was tough, I am rocking this! Great job Me!

Focus! More words, you have to write more words! I mean lobster is a pretty good beginning, not every novel begins like this, it’s pretty original. I mean, sure, Shakespeare could write, but it was always so tedious to read, you had to go over the same line over and over and over again, and you probably still wouldn’t get it. Whereas lobster, that’s straight to the point! No hesitation, no questions like: “is that a small lobster? A big one?” When you think about it, lobster is a damn good beginning because it’s just that, a lobster. Imagine I had written “poor lobster” on my page? Or worse, something like “working-class lobster”? The reader might wonder: “is it a politically-charged lobster story? Am I going to read about the Marxian struggle of a blue collar lobster fighting his capital-hoarding white collar lobster? It’s Friday night, I’d rather not get political” and then he would just close the book until he sells

it off for $2.50 at the garage he’s been meaning to set up for ages, but hasn’t had the time because, you know, football. And why are the Giants losing anyway? They have the best team but…
No, focus! You could write another word and be one word away from your record! I mean, two words is a pretty big deal already, but three! Ok, let’s not get ahead of ourselves, we’re not there yet. Baby steps, you got to take baby steps: one word in, now the second. So the first word is lobster, and the second could be, well, anything. How abouuut… propaganda. Lobster propaganda! Not bad, not bad at all. I mean, when you think about it, every piece of information about fish is, well, fishy. In earnest, how long has it been since I used a third-party to find out the truth about our aquatic friends? Does anyone ever go to their fishmonger and, looking at some unappealing tuna, ask for a second opinion? Has anyone ever responded to any fisherman boasting the best salmon in the world along the lines of “my sources say otherwise”? So unverifiable information coming from unpalatable people. Propaganda really. How is the lobster media being manipulated then? Do they worship some uber-lobster or do they…
FOCUS!

It’s a good beginning alright! A good beginning, but a beginning nonetheless, you have to write more than that, you have to write a story. So in this story, what does the lobster do? Does he walk? Do lobsters walk? Maybe I should make a quick Google search about this: do lobsters walk?

Apparently they do, but they can also walk backwards if scared. How hilarious if humans did the same: “Gimme your wallet!” followed by some moonwalking...

I think it might work actually, most thugs would just be so confused by this “why is this guy doing that? Have I lost my touch so much that people are going all Michael Jackson on me?” And maybe it would be some kind of wake-up call for him to get his life together and start going back to school for that sustainable environment program he secretly dreams of, because hell, we can’t go on burning those fossil fuels, or one day polar bears will invade Massachusetts and sue Coke for those ads

and…
FO-CUS! So yes, lobsters can walk alright. But I won’t write that on the page just yet though: what if I wanted to say he strolled, or ran? It could be a busy lobster, maybe that lobster as some shit to do, places to be! Good, this is good, I like that busy lobster thing. Why is he busy? What can lobsters be busy about? Maybe he has deal he’s negotiating, that’s it, he’s a reef real estate agent. No, too general, anyone can be a reef agent these days, it needs to be more specific. This lobster needs a believable back-story. A specialized reseller of reef condos for active young lobster-couples: that’s it. Let’s say his clientele is roughly 25-35, no kids, double-income, lobster-college educated, the real deal. What would the mortgage rate look like? Let’s say 10% and get on with it, I doubt any of my reader would call me to get in touch with the Lobster Bank Ltd. So, reef-negotiation with whom? Some loan-sharks? What if the owners were actually shark? What if the sharks made a deal with the lobsters to divide the reef but they are playing them for fools because they made a deal on the side with some iffy crab gang? What would the outfits of that crab gang? I am thinking bandanas obviously, but what about crab pincer tattoos with…
FOCUS god damn it! This is not how you write a novel! Do you remember how much is in the bank account? You don’t get very far with $8.67. Maybe you can get like, a grande machiatto, with a muffin, and maybe not even a good muffin, like one of those bran ones. Actually I am hungry now, I’ll just go get a quick snack across the street, come back, and start writing, for real this time.