Knowing Self and Self Discovery

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Knowing Self
This semester, I had the privilege to experience unrestricted creativity in a structured writing class. Now, as I reflect upon the semester I come to realize how closed minded I really am. This semester, I was challenged as a student writer to draw upon something or find inspiration from within to constructively create a masterpiece with words. Often times, finding or even tapping into my creative nerve was very difficult. Then I came to realize, as a student writer, I am paralyzed by a concept called decision making. In a Public Administration Leadership course I actually learned something about myself. What I had learned really took me back to all the other structured writing classes I have taken over the years. There is a psychological test called the Big-5 Personally Traits which measures an individual’s ability to effective leadership. After taking several Big-5 Personality Test I realized that I lean towards the closed-minded leadership style. Then I had a self-actualization about myself when it comes to my writing. I realized that I struggle with writing because I am a decision maker and not a problem-solver. My entire academic career, I was taught the decision making style of writing and not the problem solving style. I realize, now, why I cannot paint a detailed masterpiece of vivid colorful artwork in the minds of others. Or why I cannot dazzle, inspire, and cause one to move to my words. In essence, I have a weak inner voice and subdued to the influence of just putting words on paper in a manner that hopefully makes sense.
On the journey of life, one of the major trials I have to endure is the external influences that cause me to become decision-makers and not a problem-solver. In essence, I box myself insi...

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...Dr. Arnold slowly fell to the influence of quitting her work at the MD Anderson Cancer Center due to a feeling of hopelessness. Dr. Arnold felt hopeless due to her knowing there was nothing she could do to prevent her student’s death. However, she developed a sense of courage by taking ownership of what she knew. “The children I write with die, no matter how much I love them, no matter how creative they are, no matter how many poems they have written or how much they want to live” (p.29). In taking ownership of what I know, my writing will fail. No matter how much time I invest, no matter how though provoking I am, no matter how it tickles the ear, or the stories I want to tell, my writings will fail. However, I know in failing there is success because I have the courage to progress forward, and not fall victim to those external influences I have no control over.

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