I Wear a Mask To Hide My Pain

In the off-Broadway musical "Fantasticks", a song entitled "Round and Round" proclaims, "hold up your mask then it all will be pretty." This song depicts horrible images that transform into beautiful stories when viewed through a special mask. The mask converts a boy being burned to death into a man covered in a beautiful orange-red robe. In this musical, and often in real life, wearing a mask filters out the evil in the world, and allows the world to be viewed as a more beautiful place. Wearing a mask can also allow the world to see the wearer as a more appealing person. On several occasions, I have put on a mask to shield myself from my surroundings. I am unsure if my intentions were to fool others into thinking I am something I am not, or to fool myself into thinking this, but I do know that when I put on a mask, it is a very intentional process. For the past month, I have been wearing one of my masks, and I am unsure of how to remove it.

From a very young age, I imagined my first love being my last. I had a picture-perfect image of "princess charming" taking me far away, and never bringing me back. What I did not predict, however, is that I would meet my princess at age fifteen, an age far too young for a love so powerful. From my first encounter with this princess, I knew that I had found my first love. The sensitivity and respect she showed me was unparalleled by any other girl I had ever met. Though our romantic connection was not instantaneous, we immediately became close friends. When we finally began to date, my life morphed into the fairytale I had always dreamed of. We complimented one another perfectly, and we seldom quarreled. The one time we truly fought, we resolved our i...

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... I am tired of crying, and I am tired of feeling upset. Perhaps I wear the mask because I am trying desperately to convince myself that I am, indeed, fine with her being away. Perhaps I hope that if I do not take the mask off, then it will one day become my own true face. Or maybe, I wear the mask because right now, it is the only solution I have to this seemingly insurmountable problem. The only thing I do know is that the mask I wear allows me to get through the day.

Whoever said that "it is better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all" has clearly, never had a true love. Being away from mine has been the most painful and trying experience of my life. I always knew that I would meet my princess charming and fall blissfully in love, but I never imagined I would have to fall back out of it, or how long and hard that fall would truly be.