I Fear Monologue

I’ve spent awhile trying to figure out where I’m going and the only thing I’ve realize is it doesn’t matter, it’s how I get there. I’ve been strolling the area and scraping for food. It’s not easy. My surrounding does not feel the same. I try to overcome boundaries but I always think something’s holding me back. Maybe it’s me or the fact that outside is like the walking dead. I feel like a living corpse, I’ve been around them so long! I think I’m paranoid. I wish that all my problems would vanish, but all my effects seem to be futile. I am wasting energy thinking I’m okay. I feel like I’m suffering ng from the lack of food. I can’t maintain my sanity. The little time gain from escaping those zombies has offset the anger which I have been holding

in. Not much reliance can be placed on this kind of determination to end myself. I have crossed the last hurdle of doubt. I guess it wouldn’t have made any difference. I knew from the start. This is how it ends. I suppose; I am to feel ashamed at this point for even conjugating that after all this time, I chose to end it here. I literally don’t give a damn. It’s not like I don’t want to be happy despite how hard I try I can’t bring myself to be joyous. Why do I have to go through this? I used have a great family and amazing friend. I have never regretted anything before in my life again. I would never be here, for living has become a constant nightmare. This cannot be solved by insight on a good life. It’s like a disease that has affected every aspect of my life. And to this day, I’m still try to explain. I always blindly hesitated. Now today is the day. Bang.