Humorous Wedding Roast for Groom Who Plays Football and Likes to Drink

Humorous Wedding Speech for a Groom Who Plays Football and Likes to Drink

On behalf of the bridesmaids, I’d like to thank you, Victor, for those kind words. It was a pleasure keeping you company at the altar this morning and I’m always pleased to see more of the competition getting married off – especially with all these lovely bridesmaids around.

When I started thinking about doing this speech, I found it curious that all the wedding speeches I've heard, without exception, blatantly and disgracefully set out to demolish the character of the groom. Well frankly, Victor’s worthy of better treatment that - and there’s no better way to point people in the right direction to view Victor’s worth than via his passions.

And in recent weeks, Victor’s single passion has been to provide Robin the wedding she’s always dreamed of – and he’s spared no expense. I mean, just look at this venue. I can well understand why they decided this was the place to get married – packed full of history and romance. In fact, right in the corner of the room there’s an old underground escape passage that takes you right out of the building - its true! It’s the corner Robin was repeatedly glancing at during the ceremony.

At school, I remember, Victor had two passions: music and soccer (football). He dreamed of playing the guitar like Jimi Hendrix and playing soccer like David Beckham. Unfortunately, he ended up playing the guitar like Beckham and playing soccer like Jimi Hendrix – a very stoned Jimmy Hendrix on crutches. Eventually, he did improve and it’s been a lasting passion ever since. He actually became quite a good player and when I joined his football club I was fortunate enough to play along side him at centre back, where he taught me everything I needed to know about how to avoid tackling, heading and scoring goals. But being new to the team I couldn’t understand why, after each game in the changing room showers, Victor always wore a Gimp mask. And as everyone here who went on his stag (bachelor’s party) will testify, that’s another passion that still lurks deep.

After leaving school, Victor appeared to develop a passion for horticulture. To quote his mother, ‘Victor’s collection of moldy plates was very impressive, he had a regular penicillin factory under that bed of his.’ He also developed a passion for driving - especially driving fast cars.