Humorous Best Man Speech

Humorous Best Man Speech

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. Firstly on behalf of the bridesmaids, I would like to thank the groom for his kind words, and may I also say that they have done a fantastic job today and all of them look absolutely beautiful.

I'd also like to say that the bride looks absolutely stunning today as I’m sure you will all agree. Unfortunately for the wedding photographs, the groom just looks stunned.

When I was asked to be best man I consulted the Internet for help. I must confess I was perplexed by some of the things I was expected to do:

Help the groom dress. Thanks, but no thanks. If he hasn't learned by nor then he never will.

That his shoes are tied.

That his face and hair are “in order” (God didn't put them in order first

time round, I'm not convinced that I stood a chance) .

That he has nothing between his teeth (or is that his ears?)

That his trouser flies are done up.

I came to the conclusion that best man is just a fancy title for nanny. I also found out some other interesting things on the Internet, but now is definitely not the time to tell you what they were.

However, I have taken the job of being best man seriously and have made sure:

That he got to the service on time.

That he was well dressed and looking smart, which I’m sure you will agree he is.

And that he got a good nights sleep last night, and I’m pleased to report he slept like a baby. He woke up every half hour like clockwork, crying for his mom.

So what can I say about the groom. Well, he’s witty, intelligent, charming, successful, han… han... Sorry. I'm having trouble reading your writing. I've been racking my brain for the last couple of weeks trying to think of suitable stories to be said about...

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...Now. if you could join me in a toast to some very important people, without whom today just wouldn't be the same. I'm sure all of us at some point will shuffle past them and exchange a few kind words. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like you to raise your glasses and say a toast. To the bar staff.

And of course we should not forget the bride and groom. I would like to say to you both: "May your love be modern enough to survive the times, and old-fashioned enough to last forever."

Today is a day when each one of us wishes the happy couple well. Being human they will have their disagreements. Life being what it is there will be sad moments as well as glad. Yet I know that today we are all wishing them happiness and health in those years to come, and I am sure that the love between them will be strong enough to last forever.

Ladies and gentlemen. the bride and groom.