Growing Up With Domestic Violence

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Recommended: Personal experience with domestic violence

My dad once told me that ‘if you ever feel the need to hit a woman, you shouldn’t be with her’. Funny that that came out of him considering he would hit my mom up until he left for the military. By that point, they had already gotten divorced. My mom and my dad were very young when they got together and very young when they divorced but they had four kids in between those seven years. I was too young to realize that my mom would hit my dad so it never got to me. The only memory I recall however is him shooting the ceiling of their bedroom out of anger. Luckily, he shot the ceiling and that’s it. Shortly there after he went into the army and learned that saying I mentioned above. I guess my dad just had a problem controlling his temper. Unfortunately, I have the same temper he does and I’m afraid of becoming what he once was.

When I was young, I would fight with my siblings, mainly my older brother. We would get into fights, real physical fights even at a young age. However, he wasn’t the only one I would fight with. I have two younger sisters each one year apart and one or two years younger than me. When I was a lot younger, I always had that short fuse my father had. Any argument I got into always ended in me hitting or hurting someone. I remember seriously hurting my sister one time to the point where I almost got kicked out of my house. That was when I was 14. I’ve learned to control my anger a lot since then and believe I have grown out of that stage but I still worry about that anger coming back. I’m in a good relationship now and I have gotten in arguments with her but I have never laid a finger on her. I think men who hit their girlfriends are lowest of the lows.

Now that I am older and more mature, more mature to know...

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...just don’t do it. You’ll be stupid to think that you’re going to get away with something like that.” Then and there, the guys were listening. Even though he was about 50+ we were still afraid because he could bench-press about 300 pounds, he was a strong guy.

We can also prevent this type of abuse by talking to our sons and brothers early. Drill into their minds that there is never a reason to lay a finger on a woman. Punch a wall, a pillow, a brick wall whatever, but NEVER for any reason touch a woman. My grandpa told me, “Don’t ever lay a finer on a girl, unless it’s in a sensual or sexual manner.” I laughed but he was serious. So we need to start when they’re young. Show them the consequences of what can and will happen if they hurt a girl. Teach these young men alternate ways to deal with issues. We should teach them to talk and be open, not angry and abusive.

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