Generalized Anxiety Disorder: Case Study

My particular brand of Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) used to resemble the feeling of being trapped in a car rapidly sinking to the bottom of a lake. In the midst of a panic attack I could still breathe (often just barely), and occasionally I might even catch a glimpse of the surface, but ultimately the only response of which I felt capable was to look on helplessly as the space around me filled with murky water. In reality, I'd feel similarly paralyzed by compounding dread and unease until I became too overwhelmed to even put together a presentable outfit and leave the house. With additional assistance from a Zoloft prescription, I have found success overcoming my anxiety by following the same steps outlined for escaping a submerged vehicle.

Stay calm. Reportedly, it only takes about a minute for a mid-size car to fill with water, and rapid breathing certainly won’t slow the process. When the weight of simply existing threatens to drag me into full

panic mode, I look to my mother. My mom was eighteen years, nine months, and four days old on the afternoon I was born. Five months and six days later she would become a single parent when my father committed suicide as a result of his own mental health battle. Though she could have easily admitted defeat, she chose to pursue an associate’s degree in Paralegal Studies. Evenings spent leafing through my mother’s legal textbooks just to spend time with her while she studied at our kitchen table were some of the earliest hints of my enduring interest in law.
My working mother, who managed to hold down two jobs while attending school and ensuring that I lived a life full of love and attention, was an example to me as I found a balance between coursework and supporting myself in college. When I began to feel overcome by pressure, I followed her precedent and distracted myself by focusing on others. Volunteering with Pet Rescue by Judy, a local “No Kill” nonprofit organization, helped me find meaning and serenity. Saturday mornings at the shelter consisted of everything from the simple tasks of ensuring that the animals had clean food and water to the formidable challenge of matching a pet’s personality to the perfect family. This donated time taught me to be responsive to the needs of others while simultaneously empowering me to step outside of my own problems and gain perspective.
Fight your inclination to open the car door, and roll down the window instead. Opening the door will only increase the rate at which you are sinking. When I am panicking, my first instinct is almost never the best response and often exacerbates the situation. For instance, my anxiety is frequently accompanied by a compelling desire for isolation. I have found that when I indulge in excessive alone time, I feel some fleeting relief, but ultimately I thrive on face-to-face contact.
I studied the distinctly people-oriented field of Hospitality Management in college, but my earliest event planning experience came from the elaborate concerts and plays I would set up in my mother’s living room. Constructing a sophisticated stage from the coffee table and our fanciest curtains, I’d even print up menus and sell mom’s snacks back to her as intermission concessions. Following these amateur productions, I stepped into the role of family historian and began circulating a seasonal newsletter. A natural extension of my family bulletin presented itself in the form of high school Yearbook class, which led to Theatre, Radio, and TV Production. I was apprehensive about each of these opportunities, but recognizing fear and not allowing it to prevent me from participating is a skill that has become more intuitive with practice.
Exit through the window. This means doing the necessary thing even when it is not easy. A critical part of controlling my anxiety has been determining how to make the best of difficult situations. I earned a graphic design internship in college despite having no formal design training of any kind. Independently, I worked my way through countless tutorials to learn the ins and outs of Adobe Photoshop and Illustrator, which justified turning my internship into paid employment. I accomplished a similar feat at my current job, identifying the need for a more straightforward design for internal documents featuring consistent formatting and language, and persuading management to create my position to satisfy that need.
This same persistence has translated to exceptional academic performance. I was the first person in my family to complete a four-year degree, and I will be the first to continue beyond a bachelor’s degree. I do not come from a wealthy family. I am the only one to have studied abroad, and only a handful of my relatives have had the means to ever travel outside the country at all. A fortuitous combination of part- and full-time jobs, federal grants, and scholarships allowed me to complete undergraduate education without accruing exorbitant debt.
So why pursue law school?

Hospitality Management is not without its merits, but I found myself most engaged in the law courses I took along the way. Long nights of interminable reading and research gave way to animated case study discussions in class. Powering through reading assignments became easier with time, and through these classroom exchanges I discovered that my passing interest had become a passion. Despite the impending fear of taking on the biggest loans I’ll have ever seen in my life up to this point, I strongly feel that law school is the next step. That initial interest in my mother’s law books, a desire to help people, the drive to solve difficult problems, and my ambition to pursue a professional career have all culminated in this choice for me. I know how scary it is to feel overwhelmed, taken advantage of, and helpless. I do not presume to have figured out exactly which type of law I would like to practice, but I seek to gain the knowledge and skills necessary to serve others facing hard

situations.
Tenacity and conviction, which have been so essential to both continuing my education and surviving daily life with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, are two qualities I hope to bring to Boston College Law School’s Class of 2020. My achievements are not an indication that the worst of my anxiety is behind me. Instead, they are evidence of what I can accomplish despite this ongoing struggle. In learning to assuage my anxiety, I have created my own set of guidelines to escape the sinking car. When I start to feel water seeping in again, I promise to do my very best to stay calm, keep an open mind to find the best solution, and persevere through the undeniable challenges that lie ahead. Adhering to these principles has taught me how to keep my head above the water, and I look forward to demonstrating how they will continue to guide my success next fall.