Examples Of A Walking Paradox: A Human Contradiction

I try to explain how I feel. I am a walking paradox; a human contradiction. My mind is a never-ending circle of what I want and what I don’t want; who I am and who I am not. It makes things difficult but I take a deep breath and try to think of where to start. I suppose it starts with an ending. Another paradox, a beginning starting with an ending or maybe an ending finishing with a new start. I had been preparing to leave. I had spent years and years making plans to go, and now that it was starting to be finalized, I was getting scared. Maybe the best part of leaving was the planning and thought that went into it. Maybe, even with all the planning I had done, it would end badly. But I can’t think of that now, so I just go. Without a glace

back, because I knew if I stopped and looked, I would stop and think. Thinking was a long process for me because I liked to take my time with it and consider every aspect. So I don’t look back or try to think, I just walk out the door and try to take a deep breath. I’ve never been good at calming myself down though and I feel the heat, rising from my ankles and making my legs numb. It’s hard to leave when your legs are trying to stop you from walking. As I stand in the entranceway of the door, the entire universe seems to put things into motion for me with the wind pulling me out of the house and the house breathing in time with me and me actually figuring out how to breathe.