Eulogy For Grandmother

“Grandma, where are my parents?” A five years old girl asked her grandmother next to her as they were watching a show about family. “They are...” She resumed talking after a few seconds of silence. “Your parents are earning money and you will see them in a few years.” The girl questioned again, “How long are a few years?” This time, Grandma did not answer and the girl fell asleep slowly. I am the girl.

It was the late August around 2005. I remembered that there were two people came into the house with luggage. I did not have clear images of them, but I believed that it was something that deepened in my bone that told me they were my parents. I thought I could live happily with them but one day, my father took me to a man’s house. The man offered me candies while talking to my father. Although I was a child, I sensed something terrible and I was right. My father left me with the man’s family. I realized that my father was attempting to sell me. The man closed the door and tried to prevent me from escaping. I screamed and cried out loud. “Father, Mother, Grandma, where are you guys? Don’t leave me alone! I do not know them.” I was desperate. I was amazed by how much power I used to push the man and his

wife. Maybe it was because the power hid in my small body was able to be aware of this dangerous situation. I rushed to the door and tried to open it, but I was too small to reach it. “Father, Mother, do not leave me alone, I promise you that I will be a good child.” I screamed and lollipop fell down with my tears. As a six years old girl, I gave up. Maybe it was girls’ fate in this obsolete rural area.
Suddenly, the door opened. My father came in, grabbed me and ran back to our house. I did not know what happened with adults’ trade, but I knew that Grandma saved me. Perhaps, it was because of guilt, regret and shame but my parents treated me well since then.
The good time did not last long.

Chinese New Year was supposed to be the happiest holiday but for our family, it was not. Grandma was diagnosed with late-stage stomach cancer in 2007. It was midnight, Father woke me up and told me news with his tears, “Grandma died.” I was crushed by two simple words and everything I had done with Grandma came up to my head just like a movie. I remembered the time she carried me on her back to comfort me to sleep. I remembered the time she laughed when she saw me came back home safely. I remembered the time she said she could see my future with brightness. In the crematorium, I did not cry because I knew that Grandma would have liked to see my smile. She was gone and left me a big photograph that hung in the top of the

wall.

Beholding the sky, I saw many stars. The Chinese believed that when people died, they would become one of the stars in the sky. “Grandmother, are you one of the stars? Can you see me? Coming to the United States was a new page of my life. I enjoyed breathing the fresh air and getting involved in this new community. I became active and eager to learn new things from different people. I am trying my best to achieve my dreams!” Every once in a while, it has always been her assurance in my dream that gave me another reason to thrive.