I am a better person because of my parents’ divorce. Of course you would immediately assume that there is some profound reason that I should come to feel this way, yet I assure you that I believe that divorce is a positive reaction to a negative situation. The tearing apart of two people’s marriage is never thought of as a joyous idea in itself, but my experiences have come to highlight the benefits of this frowned upon idea. If it wasn’t for my parent’s separation, I would never have come to accept change in my life, appreciate human individuality, or value the circumstances of others. My growth started with their divorce, and their divorce began with a series of events which I will quickly go on to explain.
My parents were in a heated debate over financial issues, an alien topic to my eleven year old intellect. As the discussion grew in excitability and anger, the room sucked into a suffocating density. At this moment I immediately knew where this was leading and rushed my younger brother upstairs out of harm’s way. There was never a physical harm to protect him from, but it was as though I did this to spare his innocent mind from developing into one like mine; doubtful and angry. Why can’t my parents just get along? Why are they even fighting? Why does my life have to be this way? Why me? Why are they so careless of our feelings? What did we do to deserve this lifestyle? Why us? I spent too much time questioning, and pitying myself over the fact that my parents didn’t love me enough to stay happy with each other. Amongst my questioning always came out the little blip that disrupted my parents arguing, “Are you guys getting a divorce?” I’m not quite sure where I first heard the word, but it became my magic word that took all...
... middle of paper ...
...inflicted. This woman, who I think of as so strong, healthy, and admirable admit to me that her life of abuse had led her to get involved with drugs and alcohol. Luckily, she had eventually pulled herself out of her addiction and was able to proceed on with living, then continuing on to forgiving her father. She mentioned that her parents had considered it, but never did get divorced and are still married to this day, yet had always wished that it had been as easy for her family to just simply pull the plug on their marriage. As stated by the NCADV (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence), one in every four woman experience domestic violence in their lifetime, and children witnessing the abuse are at strongest risk for developing violent behavior as well. To women who are abused in front of their children, please save the next generation and file for divorce.
...d by their parent's divorce but also have negative side effects later on in adulthood (issue 8 pg 146). Developmental psychologist Hetherington agrees that divorce can be harmful to a child's development but that they ultimately overcome it. Eventually they will overcome it, but this is most likely to happen past stage 6, in middle adult hood after one has decided whether or not they want to spend their life with someone. Erickson's theory of personality development can help one realize the stages which are mostly affected by a parent's divorce. The stages affected are stages 3, initiative versus guilt, stage 4 industry versus inferiority, stage 5, identity versus confusion, and finally intimacy versus isolation. The symptoms of having a broken home might not always be very noticeable until a person is peeled little by little and ready to fix their heavy past.
Each year approximately 4.8 million acts of physical or sexual aggression are perpetrated against women while 2.9 million physically aggressive acts are perpetrated against men within the United States (Edleson, Ellerton, Seagren, Kirchberg, Schmidt & Ambrose, 2007). Many of these incidents take place in the presences of children, which make these figures even more disturbing (Evans, Davies & DiLillo, 2008). Research indicates that 40.2% of United States battered women responding in national surveys state that their children have witnessed one or more abusive events (Edleson et al., 2007). Overall 66% of research samples regarding childhood exposure to domestic violence reported to having direct exposure to the abuse (Barnett, Miller-Perrin & Perrin, 2011).
An absence of a parent or a parent’s separation, divorce, when a child is developing, may affect the child’s future relationships. “Evidence shows that, on average, children who have experienced parental divorce score somewhat lower than children in first-marriage families on measures of social development, emotional well-being, self-concept, academic performance, educational attainment, and physical health” (Demo, Supple)
According to Alan E. Kazdin, PhD(2000) in his book”Encyclopedia of Psychology: 8 Volume Set,” ”Currently in the United States, about 40% of the first marriages end in divorce. In addition more than half of all divorces involve children under the age of eighteen”( Kazdin,364). Some people believe that parents tend to get a divorce for one reason or another and not for disbelieve that people just can 't get along. However in the end divorce is just a stressful event. Consequently, divorce can have an important and life changing impact on the well-being and development of children. A parent can diminish the negative impact of a divorce by supporting and reassuring their children, before, during and after the separation. However most separated parents tend to pull apart from their childs once going through a divorce. Leading to lack of support for those childs.Divorce settlement process is inequitable and should be determined on a case-by-case basis,rather than by general formulas. The change I am seeking is that if the second parent(not the one that has custody) does not pay the child support or has over $2,000 in overdue payments then they should not be allowed to get the child for their time until they get caught up in payments.
The first study to be considered is a qualitative study which spanned a 25 year period and looked at 131 children from divorced families of the 1970’s. It was specifically concerned with growth and development (psychologically and socially) of these children post divorce and had extensive follow-up interviews with both parents and children at 18 months, 5, 10 and 25 year marks. At the 25 year follow-up a comparison group of adult children from intact families who had otherwise similar backgrounds were also interviewed. Some of these “intact” families were ideal while others were filled with conflict, most were somewhere in the middle. This study found a casual relationship between divorce itself and the well-being of the children which was significant all the way into adulthood. The study found that parental conflicts from before the divorce were not dominant in the children’s memories but unhappiness was related mostly to the separation itself (most children in this study had no expectations of the breakup prior to it occurring). The exception to this is when violent events occurred as with 25% of c...
Children of divorce have a different experience during the holidays, birthdays, and other family events. The process of parental separation alone can pay a toll on a child’s psychological health. Family events may make things awkward around the parents, but that doesn’t even compare to the things children of divorce will have to deal with, even into their adult lives. Constance Matthienssen, author and mother of three, shares in her article “Harry Potter and Divorce Among the Muggles” how her divorce affected her children (“Harry Potter”). Many parents don’t think about a divorce will affect their young children as they grow older, but divorce affects children even into their adult lives. Children of divorce grow to develop negative relationships with their parents, they tend to have poor self-esteem, and they may even find themselves unable to maintain an intimate relationship in their adulthood. Divorce affects every child differently, but it can cause many social issues into their adult lives.
Most people, when thinking about divorce, worry about the impact that it has on the children that are involved. Even though children are most likely better off if totally incompatible parents separate instead of staying together, divorce is about loss and change, and it is still hard for children. Everyone knows that divorce has its effects on children. There are three different sources that try to explain these effects. Graham Blaine Jr. states that divorce is a threat to all children, whereas Rhona Mahony states that divorce is not always the cause of behavioral or academic problems in children coming from divorced families. Yvette Walczak and Sheila Burns state that the extent of the damage can be determined by the parents and their methods of explanation to the children.
Most people think about “marriage”, whether it originates from a little child watching one of their Disney princess movies or a parent trying to help their kids find a potential spouse. Unfortunately, some marriages do not work out for the best. When two spouses don’t agree and eventually grow apart from each other, it will then lead to “divorce”. Divorce is when two spouses officially end their legal marriage, then both spouses usually separate from each other. Divorces can be painful, emotional and even liberating in times for the spouse. In today’s society, being divorced or even knowing someone being divorce is normal. In the United States alone, almost 40 to 50 percent of marriages end up divorced. It also estimated that 60 percent of second marriages end up getting divorced. When two spouses finally get
Looking back at my past, I recall my mother and father’s relationship as if it were yesterday. I am only four years old, small and curious; I tended to walk around my home aimlessly. I would climb book shelves like a mountain explorer venturing through the Himalayans, draw on walls to open windows to my own imagination, or run laps around the living room rug because to me I was an Olympic track star competing for her gold medal; however my parents did not enjoy my rambunctious imagination. My parents never punished me for it but would blame each other for horrible parenting skills; at the time I did not understand their fights, but instead was curious about why they would fight.
It is unfortunate that marriages sometimes end and there are children caught in the middle of the marriage but it may be worst for the parents to stay together simply for the children’s sake. However when parents do divorce the children are the most effected by the divorce. Often enough the divorce causes children to feel displaced and also to have feelings that their world is coming to an end. These children tend to grow into adults with either extreme emotional detachment and self-esteem issues or they will have strong family values and try to prevent the cycle from repeating itself but the majority of these children grow up suffering from the divorce.
American Journalist, Helen Rowland said, “ When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn’t a sign that they don’t understand each other, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to” (1). Divorce means the ending of a marriage by legal separation, thus, a couple that were once bonded together have now separated for opposing reasons. Divorce has hurt and destroyed many families across the world and can cause a lot of negativity. Teens often do not know how to deal with the fact that their family is no longer whole and they will transition into a depression. Teens may experience emotional damage by seeing the two most important people in their lives fight constantly. There is a good side and a bad side to seeing parents go through a divorce as a teen. Quite often teens tend to see that, since they are so unhappy, that it is better for them to separate because they do not want to see their parents get hurt. Even when separated, they learn to communicate and bond between one another. The negative side of divorce is that families sometimes stay torn apart, therefore: There is a lot of anger, rage that happens because going through a situation like this is not something that is easy, and many emotions become involved. Dealing with their parents can be difficult for some teens, but for many others, they feel as if a divorce will make their family happier without seeing all of the fighting.
In the article “Long-Term Impact of Parental Divorce on Optimism and Trust: Changes in General Assumptions or Narrow Beliefs” researchers study the long-term effects of divorce on beliefs about oneself and others. These beliefs include benevolence of the world, self-worth, and control. These assumptions are used to determine what kind of effect, if any, it has on children from divorced families. The research involves two studies conducted on a sample of 568 psychology students from a local university, both men and woman. The sample also includes 458 students who are from intact or non-divorced families. Study 1 was primarily an attempt to outline what variables are of importance. Study 2 was more fine-tuned and examined the identified variables,
At the young age of ten, I was faced with a situation that has had one of the largest influences in who I am today. My parents’ divorce has and still currently plays a role in my life that has affected my drive for motivation bringing diverse perspectives. At such a young age, I was filled with such remorse, discouragement, and fear. My educational abilities were collapsing, along with some of my common social activities. I was absent-minded due to my adolescent understanding and confusion of the situation. I became emotionally depleted coming eye to eye with what I was promised would never happen. My personal connections with my family gradually became diminished, from what I kept so valuable. I was placed in a situation that tore apart my contentment, arrogance, and self motivation. It wasn’t until years later, I took my position as a chance to transform my bleakness into a strong desire for greatness.
The major portion of the 1.5 million children in the United States whose parents divorce every year feel as if their world is being shattered. Many families are torn apart each year due to divorce. When children realize that their parents are not going to work out together, it is heartbreaking. It is a proven fact that the younger children are when parents get divorced, the worse the affects are. When children are involved in a divorce, it not only affects them emotionally and physically, but they are also affected socially; and they feel like a social outcast. Many may think that divorce is horrific on children, but it is much worse than most would think. Some parents are so worried for their children’s welfare that they remain in unhappy marriages, believing that it will protect the child from the trauma of divorce. After children are affected by divorce, they will always feel as if it was somehow their fault. Out of all of the things that happen in divorce, someone has to get sole custody of the children involved. In often times, that is the hardest part for
In some cases, after the divorce the parents might get back together to start over or