Difficulty In Oskar's Death

Oskar finds difficulty in expressing the trauma from his father’s death on 9/11, and much of this is from the lack of closure to the relationship while his father was still alive. To accept his father’s death and communicate it to those around him would take an acceptance of its irrationality, but Oskar wants to find meaning in everything. The death must be significant to be justified. This is why he wants his father’s name to be listed in Mr.Black's drawers.
Similarly, his grandfather’s loss is unresolved. Everything reminds him of Anna. As he sculpts his wife, the sculpture eventually becomes Anna. He still believes that one day he might see her again.
Like Oskar’s father says, “There’s nothing that could convince someone who doesn’t want to be convinced. But there is an abundance of clues that would give the wanting believer something to hold on to.” (Foer 221)

There is no meaning. Both of them are aware of this already, Oskar says, “In the end, everyone loses everyone. There was no invention to get around that, and so I felt, that night, like the turtle that everything else in the universe was on top of.” (Foer 74) And his grandfather says to his wife, “I’m sorry for my inability to let the important things go.” (Foer 132) They are both aware of this futility of loss, but still have not accepted it.
This futility causes them to internalize much of their pain. Instead of communicating the trauma outwardly, they go on an inward search for meaning. This search is a personal and isolating experience, and it brings both characters farther from the present and the loved ones around them. Oskar says, “Every time I left the apartment to go searching for the lock, I became a little lighter, because I was getting closer to Dad. But I also became a little heavier, because I was getting farther from Mom.” (Foer