Marriage Is a Private Affair by Chinua Achebe
Conflicts arise between Nnaemeka and his father because he chooses to get married against his father’s wishes.
What started out as a simple love story for a couple planning on getting married became very complicated for Nnaemeka and Nene. The story opens with a discussion between a woman named Nene and a man named Nnaemeka, who live together in Lagos, Nigeria. The two-young couple are planning on getting married. Nene wants Nnaemeka to let his father know about their plans as soon as possible, but Nnaemeka is nervous. He worries that his father, who is a member of the Ibo tribe will not approve his son’s marriage to a woman who the father didn’t choose, especially when the father discovers that
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He believes that a marriage should be done out of tradition and should also be arranged by the father. Nnaemeka believes marriage is a private affair. He is upset by his father’s reaction but doesn’t care he loves Nene so he stops caring about what his father thinks. Nene also believes that marriage is a private affair. She believes that Ibo tradition is silly and people should be able to marry whoever makes them happy. Later in the story when Nnaemeka and Nene get married and start a family the father regrets his decision to ignore his son knowing now that he has grandchildren he is missing out on. This story shows how different the culture is then compared to now. Men and women can choose to marry whoever makes them happy.
The message I got from reading Chinua Achebe's short story "Marriage is a Private Affair" is that, despite cultural and generational differences, family love is a vital part of life. Nnaemeka's father, an Ibo man, is dead set against his son marrying out of their ethnic group. The different cultures in this story are very important to us while reading because in Nnaemeka’s culture you must marry the person you parents choose and in Nene’s culture you marry the person who makes your heart
Shostak, out of all the women in the tribe had made close connections with a fifty year old woman with the name of Nisa. The woman, Nisa, is what the book is about. The book is written in Nisa’s point of view of her life experiences while growing up in that type of society. Nisa’s willingness to speak in the interviews about her childhood and her life gave Shostak a solid basis on what to write her book on. Nisa’s life was filled with tragedies. She had gone through certain situations where Nisa loses two of her children as infants and two as adults. She had also lost her husband soon after the birth of one of their children. According to Shostak, “None of the women had experiences as much tragedy as Nisa…” (Shostak, 351).
A History of Marriage by Stephanie Coontz speaks of the recent idealization of marriage based solely on love. Coontz doesn’t defame love, but touches on the many profound aspects that have created and bonded marriages through time. While love is still a large aspect Coontz wants us to see that a marriage needs more solid and less fickle aspects than just love. The first chapter begins with an exploration of love and marriage in many ancient and current cultures.
When you think about family, what is the first thing that comes to mind? If you only thought about your parents or close relatives then you may have been caught in an “individual vs. family” paradox. Nearly every culture considers family important, but “many Americans have never even met all of their cousins” (Holmes & Holmes, 2002, p.19). We say we are family oriented, but not caring to meet all of our extended family seems to contradict that. Individual freedoms, accomplishments, and goals are all American ideals that push the idea of individualism. What's important to note is that family or even the concept of family itself doesn't appear in any of those ideals. Holmes and Holmes (2002), observed that “The family reunions of yesterday are now rare, and when they occur they are often a source of stress.” (p. 19) That quote solidifies one reason why family interaction today is : it's just too stressful, so we avoid it. Where does marriage fit into our culture of individuals? Marriage itself may be less of a family unifying event than a way for two individuals to obtain personal happiness; the climbing divorce rate alone seems to suggest the devaluation of commitment in a relationship. Likewise, the Holmes and Holmes (2002) state “marriage is in effect a continuation of courtship” (p. 19) In my opinion, I would have to agree with the authors on family and marriage, considering the above-stated facts and trends. If we, as a nation, can place the individual so far above our own relatives, are we not creating a future of selfishness?
As we read in the story “Marriage is a private affair” a father has plan a surprise for his son named Nnaemeka to give him the best wife he could find, only to be at his likings and not Nnaemeka. What the father doesn’t know is that Nnaemeka already found a wife and believes to be perfect for him. The relationship between Nnaemeka’s and his father isn’t so good as his father have
we look at marriage as something that is based on two people falling in love, which includes
Both of these marriages may be unhappy but the cultural difference among them, which results into shattering the idea of Mr. kapashi’s friendship with Mrs. Das. Mr kapashi felt the cultural difference between him and Mrs. das was way to vast and hence he did not even wanted to think about having any further personal conversations. This teaches us how two entirely different people can carry one mutual heritage but being brought up into different cultures can be very different and UN mutual. Looking back in the story we realize and feel how important it is to keep our cultural believes when it comes to interact with different people as we are not only representing
Marriage and divorce are culturally ruled, as I have noted from my interviews with friends and family of different cultures who have married, perhaps some have divorced, and with each experience in love they have culturally accepted values that pertain to their overall ideals and values on love, marriage, shared values, etc. The purpose of this paper is to establish a clear understanding of human nature as it relates to the portrait of adulthood and mate selection; institution of marriage, procreation, and even divorce as it relates to acceptance of failed expectations and moving on. I was not surprised to learn that the people I interviewed were traditional in their beliefs that marriage is a serious commitment that should be respected and approached for longevity.
There are constant struggles between gender, identity, commodification, and class. Among the men and women in many African tribes that still exist today, there are divergences, which will always remain intact because of the culture and the way in which they are taught to treat each other. Chinua Achebe wrote the novel, Things Fall Apart, which is a great piece of African literature that deals with the Igbo culture, history, and the taking over of African lands by British colonization. The ongoing gender conflict is a prominent theme in Things Fall Apart presenting the clash between men and women of the African Igbo society. Throughout history, from the beginning of time to today, women have frequently been viewed as inferior, men’s possessions whose sole purpose was to satisfy the men’s needs. Maybe it's because men are physically stronger than women and have always had the ability to control them that way. In Things Fall Apart, the Igbo women were perceived as being weak. They received little or no respect in the Igbo society and were harshly abused. The recurring theme of gender conflicts helps drive the novel Things Fall Apart by showing how important women are to the men, yet they do not receive the treatment they deserve.
Three different Western marriage customs have influenced the characters in the story "Marriage is a Private Affair" by Chinua Achebe. It is about a Nnaemeke and Nene. Nnaemeke was an Igbo but Nene was from a different part of the country. They fell in love and Nnameke proposed. Then Nnaemeke got a letter from his father telling him about an arranged marriage that is being planned. Very disappointed, Nnaemeke comes home and tells his father that he will not get married to anybody, except Nene. Nnaemeke was kicked out from his father's house and wasn’t wanted there anymore. Happily married, Nnaemeke and Nene, had two sons. They wanted to see their grandpa and wouldn’t stop asking to visit him. When Nnaemeke's father read the letter about his grandsons he couldn’t stop himself from thinking about them. At last he was beginning to open his heart for his son, daughter-in-law, and his grandsons. The first custom was that the parents arranged marriages for their children. Nnaemeka's father had arranged a wedding for him with a girl from his culture. The second custom was that love was not part of the marriages. All that mattered was that she had to be a good Christian and had the potential to become a good wife. The third custom is that the woman had to be raised from the same culture. Women from other cultures were not welcomed in Igbo culture and families. These three customs had a huge affect on Nene's and Nnaemeka's lives.
Though both Africans and most of Americans attempt to build families once marriage is part of the equation; traditional Africans don't necessarily marry for love. They
In Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen shows examples of how most marriages were not always for love but more as a formal agreement arranged by the two families. Marriage was seen a holy matrimony for two people but living happil...
Upon an initial reading of Chinua Achebe’s Things Fall Apart, it is easy to blame the demise of Okonkwo’s life and of the Umofia community on the imperialistic invasions of the white men. After all, Okonkwo seemed to be enjoying relative peace and happiness before then. He did have a few mishaps; one of them resulted in him being exiled for eight years. Nonetheless, he returned to his home town with high spirits and with prospects of increased success. However, everything has changed. The white men have brought with them a new religion and a new government. Okonkwo’s family falls apart. The men in his village lose their courage and valor; they do not offer any resistance to the white men. Consequently, Okonkwo kills himself in disgrace and Umofia succumbs to the white men. However, the white men are not the only people responsible for demise of Umofia. The Igbo culture, particularly their views on gender roles, sows the seed of their own destruction. By glorifying aggressive, manly traits and ignoring the gentle, womanly traits, Umofia brings about its own falling apart.
Many marriages attested to the consequences of splendid and poor marital choices. These marriages exhibited themselves as either “a marriage compared to bearing the cross. A union compared to a foretaste of heaven.” The author, Gary Thomas, focused on Matthew 6:33 as a good example of purposely striving for God’s best within marriage and finding a blessed marriage. Many people disregarded Matthew 6:33 when searching for a marriage partner and dated on the basis of love and attraction. However, this verse, when abided by, showed a respectable guide for objective dating. When someone first fell in love, they tended to lose reason due to infatuation. This purloined their reasoning abilities and proved dangerous in dating. Instead, Mr. Thomas suggested that overlooking their infatuation to evaluate their reasons in dating and marriage based on godliness, character, and purpose proved far better. As people sought for a closer relationship to God, they developed a proper perspective of marriage.
Years after their marriages fall apart through polygamy and feelings of betrayal, when Modou experiences an unexpected heart attack and is unable to be saved, Ramatoulaye decides to write letters to Aissatou who is now in the United States with her four sons. In these letters, she talks about their memories together before they were separated from one another as well as providing Aissatou with news about her current life. She first writes about Modou’s death and the forty day funeral of her late husband, but soon moves on to their lives as being married women. Keeping the main idea of the story in mind, Bâ has her talk about their marriages, starting with Aissatou. Ramatoulaye recalls how Mawdo and Aissatou were madly in love but their marriage was never accepted by the groom’s family as she was “a goldsmith’s daughter” while he was a nobleman (Bâ, 2008, p. 17). Therefore, Mawdo’s mother did everything in her power to separate the two, one of which included marrying him off to her brother’s daughter, Young Nabou, meaning that Aissatou would have “a co-wife” (Bâ, 2008, p. 31). This forced Aissatou to leave him as she did not want this lifestyle. Three years after this incident, Modou married Binetou, their daughter’s best friend without Ramatoulaye having any knowledge of it, yet choosing to stay with Modou as a
His parents don't approve of his engagement to her and he has to choose between his love for her or pleasing his family and tribe. Loved it No Longer at Ease is beautifully written book about colonialism and the alienating influence it has on those Africans who lose touch with their roots as they try to adapt to the changing times. I enjoyed this rich, challenging and fascinating story. The Usurper and Other Stories, The Village of waiting, Disciples of Fortune, Anthills of the