Dating Outside Your Socioeconomic Class
Tehila Dayani
California State University, Northridge
Dating Outside Your Socioeconomic Class
Introduction
When it comes to dating, we like to put our attention on seeing the fun and attractive side of them. Sometimes when we fall for our partner, we may believe how much they have or how much money they earn doesn’t matter because we may be in the stage of “are they the one?” (Leavy, 2013). You have the right mind set if you believe money shouldn’t matter, but the harsher truth is social class does affect our romantic relationship. If you and your partner grew up in different economic environments, you should be aware of the difference because they may have taken life so easily to appreciate that may cause you to feel uncomfortable because you may have had to struggle for it (Jezebel, 2015).
For this paper, I will examine three pieces of literature. The first is a website article written by Tracy Moore, Can You Marry Outside Your Class? Yes, If You Talk About It, from a so-called blog Jezebele. The second will be a
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The author provides reasons why social class impacts dating (Blast Magazine, 2013). The information is primary in nature because the author discusses views on what causes economic pitfalls when dating and ways we can avoid them (Blast Magazine, 2013). The author, Patricia Leavy, has earned her Ph.D. in sociology and has written many books such as Low-Fat Love, Blue and Method Meets Art: Arts-Based Research Practice Second Edition (Leavy, 2016). The magazine article goes into depth on the topic by listing the eight reasons why social class impacts our dating lives by giving examples for each (Blast Magazine, 2013). There are no links given to other reputable websites, nor are there any bibliographies or a list of cited references (Blast Magazine,
He also discusses how love and the desire for commitment play a big part in the argument for and against gay marriage. Stoddard begins his argument successfully with pathos, or emotional appeal, to attain the reader’s empathy for those who have been deprived of a loved one. The story tells of a woman named Karen Thompson, who was basically married, but not legally, to her female partner; when Thompson’s partner was in a critical car accident, her partner’s parents completely cut Thompson off from all contact with their daughter. Had the two women been married, they would not have had to deal with such heart-throbbing pain. This example is effective in presenting how marriage “can be the key to survival, emotional and financial” (Stoddard, 1988, p. 551).
Belongingness is an emotion that everyone longs to feel throughout the course of their lives. Starting in adolescence, we as humans are naturally attracted to others in a romantic way. Girls in junior high start wearing make-up and dressing nice in order to impress the boys and get their attention. During this time, both girls and boys want a boyfriend or girlfriend, and are interested in this idea of “dating.” As boys and girls progress into high school, dating becomes even more of the thing to do. As a young teenager, I wanted to date, but my parents were against it. Many parents have a negative outlook about dating because of the consequences it may lead to, mainly sexual activity. Some believe that dating has changed drastically for the worse, but Beth Bailey believes differently. In Bailey’s article entitled “From Front Porch to Backseat: A History of the Date,” she analyzes the history of dating and how numerous people have not conceptualized this idea correctly. By showing authority, evidence, and values, Bailey presents an effective argument about the history of dating.
Dating back to the early 1900’s and all the way through to the present, romantic relationships have been viewed differently. From strict unwritten dating regulations to not having regulations at all, recent generations have become more liberated in making their own decisions. The progressing times have made us become a more accepting society and have caused a decrease in the strong practice of religion and class. Even though differences such as religion and class in relationships were more than an issue they were not always a complete deterrence.
In class there have been many discussions over the relationships and marriages among the books we have read. When someone thinks of marriage, a fairy tale with a happy ending might come to mind, or possibly a safe haven for those looking for something stable. In The Awakening by Kate Chopin, and “The Yellow Wallpaper” by Charlotte Perkins Gilman, marriage takes a turn for the worse. Marriage is no longer the happy memories in a lifetime. It can be the thing that hinders the women in these stories from developing their full potential or experiencing the world and other lifestyles. Through these texts and this time frame, we will analyze the meaning of their marriages, how they function, and the end result of both.
As a society, individuals often revert to the financial status of a person in order to judge their character and potential. However, looking solely at social class, the perception of the individual is primarily based on material possessions or lack thereof.
First, is the American culture and how courtship and marriage is viewed in today’s society. Since America is a blend of many religions and cultures, this analysis of courtship is based on the average American and the collective view of the majority. Currently, Americans feel that “They are in no rush” to marry or settle down with
Brockmeier’s short story represents a damaged marriage between a husband and a wife simply due to a different set of values and interests. Brockmeier reveals that there is a limit to love; husbands and wives will only go so far to continually show love for each other. Furthermore, he reveals that love can change as everything in this ever changing world does. More importantly, Brockmeier exposes the harshness and truth behind marriage and the detrimental effects on the people in the family that are involved. In the end, loving people forever seems too good to be true as affairs and divorces continually occur in the lives of numerous couples in society. However, Brockmeier encourages couples to face problems head on and to keep moving forward in a relationship. In the end, marriage is not a necessity needed to live life fully.
Is marriage really important? There is a lot of controversy over marriage and whether it is eminent. Some people believe it is and some people believe it is not. These opposing opinions cause this controversy. “On Not Saying ‘I do’” by Dorian Solot explains that marriage is not needed to sustain a relationship or a necessity to keep it healthy and happy. Solot believes that when a couple gets married things change. In “For Better, For Worse”, Stephanie Coontz expresses that marriage is not what is traditional in society because it has changed and is no longer considered as a dictator for people’s lives. The differences between these two essays are the author’s writing style and ideas.
Kearl, Michael C. "Marriage and Family Life." A Sociological Tour Through Cyberspace. 16 Nov. 2005. http://www.trinity.edu/~mkearl/index.html#in.
...hey are involved in a commitment. An attractive girl always seems to become a little more popular when she becomes single. The rating system exists today, but not like it did in the economy of dating that Bailey discussed. It is more of an approval rating by peers based on the person’s qualities that you are dating, not their popularity. Trying to define dating proved to be difficult because it is a hard term to define, and it means different people to different things. My synopsis of dating in the modern world could be totally altered from someone else’s. I tried to write about what I have seen though, and how dating appears to work in my peer group. I believe that the peer group that I have been involved with is a good control group for popular society. However, it is always going to be difficult to try to make a lot of generalizations on dating rituals.
A visual rhetoric can strengthen the effectiveness of a written article as it allows the reader to transfer how they analyze the message of the written rhetoric. In a rhetorical analysis, credibility is extremely important. The author of “A’s Before Baes”, Vivian Cheng, cultivates her audience as she is writing from the point of view of a fellow student. The article “A’s before baes” was published in the Western Gazette. The Gazette is a student run newspaper for the University of Western Ontario that was founded by the University Student Council. The purpose of this article is to explore the possibilities of why the trend of young marriage has changed over time, and how university life has potentially negative effects on anxieties surrounding relationships and marriage. “A’s before baes” is targeted towards female Western University undergraduate student, which is clearly demonstrated through the headline, language and the visual rhetoric included in the article. While the visual element
Bridget Burke Ravizza wrote the article, “Selling Ourselves on the Marriage Market” and is an assistant professor of religious studies at St. Norbert College, De Pere, WI. After talking with an unnamed group of college students, she discovers that “These college students have grown up in a society in which nearly half of all marriages end in divorce.” She also reveals “they are fearful that their future marriages will go down that path, and some question whether lifelong commitment can—or should—be made at all.” Furthermore, Ravizza finds that “students are bombarded with messages about sexuality and relationships—indeed messages about themselves—that seem to undermine authentic relationships.” Simply put, culture has accepted divorce as a “normal” thing and has already begun to affect the next generations. The surveyed students are so fearful of divorce, they are, in essence, afraid of marriage as well. They even go to the extreme of avoiding divorce by saying they may not get married at all to prevent the “undermining of an authentic relationship.”
It’s relative income that’s important. As I’ve noted previously, money is relative. It turns out we don’t mind so much about our actual level of income, so long as we’re earning more than other people around us. Unfortunately as we earn more money we’re likely to be surrounded by richer people so we often end up failing to take advantage of the positive comparison.
Although Americans were very concerned with the organization of their new country after the Revolutionary War, citizens did not overlook the issue of courtship. At this time, many marriages were arranged, and little dating actually occurred. When children were actually allowed to choose their mate, there were many things for them to consider. Young men of higher classes had to choose a partner who would not degrade the family name (Cressy, 1997). Women had a very small role in the decision of their mate, since they were perceived as simpletons, inferior to men, and their sole purpose was to meet the needs of the husbands (Lasch, 1997).
Within these marriages, readers get a sense of how education plays an important role in a successful marriage, as this fulfills both of their dreams of personal identity. Although women in the nineteenth century were viewed to be superior wives and mothers, manage the household, and perform domestic tasks, it was important for women to become educated as “an education was supposed to enable these girls to become successful women in society” (Leigh 117). Women were not meant to be “trained” in some way to become good wives, but needed to be formally educated in order to be a successful wife and