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how traditional marriages have changed
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In America, the values of monogamous, heterosexual marriage are drilled into the fabric of the society – so much so that the prospect of any other setup becomes virtually unthinkable. However, in an ever-evolving semiosphere, these other setups are emerging from their hiding place in order to find a forefront spot in contemporary culture and establish themselves as legitimate lifestyles. Education and understanding become paramount as new ideas and formations appear, necessitating tolerance and even acceptance.
One of these new formations is what’s known as an “open marriage,” in which one or both members of a dichotomous marriage seek sexual satisfaction through extraneous partners. Anyone who has ever truly invested their emotions in a relationship might look at this setup with a skeptical, even disgusted eye, and wonder how the marriage could last when sexual exclusivity is not maintained, but regardless, an estimated 6% of married couples are involved in open marriages and are perfectly content to be. “While many of today's adherents are aging swingers from the old school, a new generation - well organized and committed to legitimizing a lifestyle -- continues to push traditional notions of marital fidelity by having sex with people other than their spouses” (Goldman).
A second lifestyle is called “polyamory,” meaning “many loves”. In these relationships, one or more members will “jointly date” and establish emotional connections with other people. Their original lover is called their “primary,” while everyone else is considered “secondary”. Polys – as participants are sometimes called – seek to experiment with human’s seemingly endless capacity for love and pursue deeper forms of self-discovery. Originally, marriage ex...
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...nd Koray Tanfer, comps. Journal of Marriage and the Family: Sexual Exclusivity Among Dating, Cohabiting, and Married Women. Brigham Young University, Battelle Memorial Institute. 10 May 2008
Betsworth, Roger G. Social Ethics: an Examination of American Moral Traditions. 1st ed. Westminster John Knox P, 1990. 99-103.
Goldman, Russell. "Are Open Marriages More Successful?" ABC News. 10 Aug. 2007. 07 May 2008 .
Hesse, Monica. "Pairs with Spares." Washington Post. 13 Feb. 2008. 07 May 2008 .
O'Neill, Nena, and George O'Neill. Open Marriage: a New Life Style for Couples. Avon Books / the Hearst Corporation, 1973.
DeVault, C., Cohen, T., & Strong, B. (2011). The marriage and family experience: Intimate relationships in a changing society. (11th ed., pgs. 400-426). Belmont, CA: Wadsworth cengage learning.
Monogamy is a cultural norm that dominates many modern societies, and when individuals engage in monogamous relationships, they are unconsciously conforming to historical and cultural legacies of what is perceived as love that predate their illusions of personal agency. Although anthropological records indicate that 85% of human societies have tended towards polygamy (Henrich, Boyd and Richerson 2012), the modern culture of monogamy has rapidly risen and spread in the past millennium (Senthilingam 2016). This demonstrates how an individual’s conception of a heterosexual relationship as normatively monogamous has been constructed by social forces. In addition, social forces in the form of state legislation also perpetuate and reinforce an individual’s conception of what a romantic relationship should entail. Monogamous heterosexual marriage remains to be the only form of marriage with legal recognition in many countries. An individual’s belief that a romantic relationship should culminate in marriage is hence not formed through independent thought, but rather through what is considered normative by law. Essentially, “marriage is not an instinct but an institution.” (Berger 1963, 88) because it is enabled and promoted by virtue of the law. In addition, many couples believe in
Marriage is the legal or formally recognized union of a man and a woman, or two people or the same sex as partners in a relationship. Marriage rates in the United States have changed drastically since the last 90’s and early 2000 years (Cherlin 2004). Marital decline perspective and marital resilience perspective are the two primary perspectives and which we believe are the results from the decline. The marital decline perspective is the view that the American culture has become increasingly individualistic and preoccupied with personal happiness (Amato, 2004). The change in attitudes has changed the meaning of marriage as a whole, from a formal institution
Have you ever considered cheating on your partner? Studies show that there is a 76% chance of either partner in a marriage committing infidelity (Ferrer 55). In light of the common occurrence of infidelity within monogamous relationships in our society, would it not be logical to consider the possibility that non-monogamous relationship dynamics might be appropriate for some individuals? The idea seems to be on people’s minds, since it has also been coming up in popular culture lately, in shows like “Big Love” and “Sister-Wives”, both of which focus on polygamy, the practice of being married to more than one person at a time. Additionally, there have been many articles written about polyamory, the practice of having more than one intimate relationship at one time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved, and non-monogamy recently. One such article is “Beyond Monogamy and Polyamory,” written by Jorge Ferrer, Ph.D., who is the Chair of the Dept. of East-West Psychology at the California Institute of Integral Studies, and was published in ReVision Journal. Ferrer’s goal in writing this article is to expose readers, mainly other scholars, to the possibility of non-monogamous relationships, and the concept of sympathetic joy. While I agree with much of what Ferrer is saying in his article, particularly his points about sympathetic joy, jealousy, genetics, and his responses to the arguments against polyamory, the fact that he overlooks the religions that do not support his theory, while using others to support his theory, weakens his argument.
Heterosexual cohabitation is essentially one man and one woman, living together who are in a committed relationship. According to recent census data, an estimated four million unmarried heterosexual couples are living together in the United States; a number which has doubled since the 1980's.(Warner1/3) In fact, cohabitation was illegal in all fifty states prior to 1970.(Popenoe "Should") In the year 1965, only ten percent of newlywed couples had lived together before marriage; presently the statistic has risen to fifty percent.(Tolson) The reasons for the new found acceptance of cohabitation are obvious. The sexual revolution, which began in the sixties, played a major role in changing the attitudes towards premarital sex. The media has taken advantage of this revolution and has been a prominent cause in the spread of acceptance towards sexual openness. Presently, it is not unusual for young adults to be sexually active with more than one partner before their first marriage.
Currently, by definition and tradition, we are living in an American society that sees itself as predominantly monogamous. However, this monogamous society has increasingly been filled with cheating, unfaithful, and overall promiscuous individual. As of today, 57% of American males and 54% of American females, admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve (Glass) So what exactly happen to the ideology of monogamy in America? What has happen to the system of having only one partner at any specific time? Is monogamy really dying, or is it already six feet under in today’s society? Some may argue that America was never truly a monogamous society and thus monogamy isn’t dying but merely less represented. On the other hand, people argue that one can do as they please and if being in a non-monogamous relationship makes them happy, to each their own. My own view is that monogamy is facing a dying role in American culture. Non-monogamous practices have grown to become a visible part of today’s American society. This paper will look at why monogamy is important, the reason it’s dying and why it needs to be placed back in the spotlight.
In an article titled, “I've Been Divorced Four Times, But Homosexuals Are the Ones Destroying Marriage,” published in February of 2014, blogger Matt Walsh intends to move anyone who advocates for “traditional marriage” to focus their attention on preventing divorce instead of opposing gay marriage. The title is mocking the hypocrisy of some “traditional marriage” advocates who are serial divorcee supposedly doing everything they can to preserve the sanctity of marriage. The author believes in what is commonly called “traditional marriage,” though the term is considered a historically misleading term by some. Steve Chapman declares in the Chicago Tribune,“What conservatives regard as traditional marriage is not very traditional at all. It's radically different from what prevailed a century or two centuries ago.” Opponents of “traditional marriage” are not concerned with threats to the institution like Walsh is. In the Huffington Post, Carina Kolodny says that equality for gay marriage will, “fundamentally destroy 'traditional marriage,' and I, for one, will dance on its grave.” Other advocates for “traditional marriage” might also argue that the greatest threat to marriage is no-fault divorce laws or pre-marital cohabitation, and yes, gay marriage. Walsh's target audience is limited to conservative Christians; his appeals to God, the holiness of marriage, and church practices are only effective supporting material for this intended audience.
Miller, Rowland S. Intimate Relationships. 6th Ed. New York; The McGraw- Hill Companies, 2012. Print.
Most American women would shudder at the thought of their husband spending time with another woman. Not Elizabeth Joseph. Joseph chronicles her life in polygamy in an essay that appeared in the New York Times in 1991 entitled “My Husband’s Nine Wives”. Joseph discusses how it is problematic to manipulate her life around her husband Alex, her occupation and her youngster on a daily basis. She argues monogamous relationships are chockfull of “compromises” and “trade-offs”. She mentions how excited the children are when their Father comes to eat once a week. Joseph speaks of making an “appointment” to spend time with him. If it is another wife’s turn, Joseph may interject if she is “longing for intimacy and comfort only he can provide.” (148) Joseph asserts pleural marriage is the only resolution to her problems. Unlike Joseph, most American women are managing a demanding full time job, hyperactive children and their needy husband on a daily basis.
Ranging from TV shows such as ‘How I met your mother’ to the colloquial vocabulary, looking for one’s other half is a concept known to all. Each and every one, as Aristophanes says, looks for a soulmate to feel and complete and show love and compassion towards. The normalcy surrounding homosexual relationships has also gained prevalence today in certain parts of the world and are completely normal, which is in contrast to a darker world where Aristophanes’ speech fails to hold ground and a cloud of unacceptability shrouds over homosexuality. Another phenomenon that is accepted today is having sex for satisfaction and not only for
Despite these notable numbers, polyamory remains misunderstood and much maligned. Largely due to our unwarranted and yet seemingly unwavering faith in the sanctity of monogamy, polygamists often feel tremendous pressure to hide their private lives, for fear of losing the respect of friends and family. By creating a stigma around having multiple partners, we as a society are committing nothing less than discrimination. Despite all of the arguments that its opponents have hurled against the lifestyle, p...
Wilcox, W. (2012). The state of our unions 2012 marriage in America : the President's marriage
The dominant norm is a heterosexual monogamous relationship, but throughout many years, many groups of people like the gays, lesbians, transgender, and many more, have challenge this norm. It all started in the 1960’sand 1970’s where there where many societal changes and people wanted to defy the status quo. Before these dramatic changes people keep their relationships and sex life privately, women where not being sexually active unless there were marry, and sexuality was never questioned. The sexual revolutions started in the 1960’s first with the free love movement, which supported casual sexual encounters with little to no commitment. Then in the same period of time there was the second wave of feminist and people experimenting
The United States has experienced constant heterosexual change in acceptable social behaviors that evoke sexual relations. These changes expanding from the past half-century, which includes drastic shifts in premarital attitudes and behaviors. Shift changes in heterosexual courtship are seen from 1950’s and early 1960’s, where the standard for sexual interactions was abstinence, and intercourse was only acceptable in marriage (Perlman & Sprecher, in press), to the 1970’s. Whereas, in the 1970’s there’s a witnessed shift to a more lenient social standard, ”permissiveness with affection,” where engaging in sexual behavior was acceptable as long as the partners were fully committed to each other (Perlman & Sprecher, in press; Sprecher 1989). Sexual standards within the 21st century first decade are p...
There was a time when more smart-conscious decisions were made relating to sexual relationships. In particular, sexual relationships within a marriage. However, times have changed. The pillars that hold up our individual sexual values have started to crumble. It is estimated that two out of three marriages fail due to infidelity. This is a scary statistic considering that people believe a marriage can survive infidelity. This brings us to our first myth: Everyone has affairs.