What Makes Us Bad: Understanding the Barriers to Effective Listening

1170 Words3 Pages
bulb-icon

Recommended: problems facing effective listening

In life, there are some things a person is good at; things they think they are good at; and some things that a person is very, very bad at. Dating; for instance, is an activity that a man may think that he is good at while he may actually be a very bad date. Has anyone ever bothered to tell him? Probably, but what the man will hear is that the woman has too much personal baggage and decides that he does not want to be bothered with her anyways. In this way, he has avoided listening to the message that she has giving him and saved face. The woman, thinking that the man must be dense, walks away. The problem with communication is really on the part of both parties. Both parties must understand that the information being shared between them is an exchange of common symbols, signs, or behavior (Merriam-Webster). If they fail to pay attention to; give consideration to; or to hear something with thoughtful attention; then they have failed to listen (Merriam-Webster). Due to an inability to properly communicate and to listen to what is being communicated, this couple was bound to separate. In fact, all of our relationships-- with our family, friends, coworkers, and even complete strangers-- will be affected by our ability to listen and communicate. By learning to identify bad habits that distract us from listening; we will be able to increase our ability to listen and focus on what the communicator is saying, rather than what we think they intend to say. In order to be an effective listener, we must be able to identify what traits distract a person from listening and what specific techniques may be utilized to become better listeners.

The most common bad habit found in listening is interrupting. Many times when the subject is uninteres...

... middle of paper ...

...e B Rosenfeld and Proctor F Russell II. Interplay, The Process of Interpersonal Communication. New York: Oxford University Press, 2010.

Dr George Simon, PhD. “Selective Listening and Attention: Hearing What You Want to Hear as a Manipulation Tactic.” Counselling Resource. 30 March 2009. Counselling Resource. 24 November 2011. .

Merriam-Webster. "Communication." Marriam-Webster. 20 November 2011

< http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/communication>.

Merriam-Webster. "Listen." Marriam-Webster. 20 November 2011

< http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/Listen>.

Meyer, Paul J. "The Art Of Creative Listening - Are You Tuned In Or Tuned Out?" Article Dashboard. 24 November 2011

Show More
Related

  • Analysis Of Why Don T We Listen Better

    1639 Words  | 4 Pages

    Petersen, J.C. (2007). Why don’t we listen better? Communicating & Connecting in Relationships. Tigard, OR: Petersen Publications

    Read More

  • Sex Lies And Conversation Summary

    1034 Words  | 3 Pages

    Communications generally occur in body languages: how the individuals interpret each other. Her essay is an event that is reoccurring more and more lately. The event results in a failure in marriage. In today’s society more and more people are splitting up or having divorces due to miscommunications. The essay, “Sex, Lies and Conversation,” that Deborah Tannen wrote is much use of today because it explains where miscommunications happen and she has her own studies and research to back it up. The essay goes into depth about her ideologies that cause miscommunications. Look at a miscommunication twice and do not be quick to judge because it will save plenty of

    Read More

  • hs

    788 Words  | 2 Pages

    If man and the woman both had the same communication ways they would be more successful in marriage. Many of the communication issues are brought up in the article “Sex, Lies, and Conversation by Deborah Tannen.” Tannen states that men and women argue with one another over communication which leads to marital problems and divorce. Men and women have different viewpoints on communication. Women see bad communication as the one of the major reasons for divorce. Also the way men and women communicate are very different. Men are very different than women they do not like to communicate as much like women. Men don’t talk about their problems and women love to talk about them. Communication is seen as one major cause leading to a relationship failure. When couples get married the women is always looking for a good comuincator.

    Read More

  • The Concepts Of Mindful Listening In Interpersonal Communication

    1006 Words  | 3 Pages

    They were talking to me about some drama happening in their life, and asked me a question about what I thought. I then said without thinking, “sorry, what was that?” Then, after they repeated the question and I was still focusing on my homework, I asked them to repeat it again. They became frustrated with me as I wasn’t listening, and I turned away from my homework and wholly devoted myself to the conversation. As I wasn’t very invested in the conversation, I wasn’t listening to my friend very intently thereby “mindlessly listening.” However, having been on the other end of this, I realize how hurtful it can be to be talking to someone and not have them be fully listening to what you have to say. Due to this, I would say mindful listening is a very good thing, and that there is no downside to mindful listening other than you can’t multitask when doing it. Mindful listening requires full attention and removes the hurt and ignorance of mindless listening. Additionally, in professions when mindful listening can save lives such as medicine or in the military, it is very important to be paying full attention to the matter at

    Read More

  • Communication In James Petersen's Why Don T We Listen Better

    1183 Words  | 3 Pages

    James Petersen’s book, Why don’t we listen better? Communicating and connecting in relationships, outlines the requirement for a continual use of good communication, through a series of actions and steps, by the practice of comprehending, dynamic listening, and actively perceiving. Listening then becomes a creative force that creates a context in which the development of a communicative relationship can foster.

    Read More

  • J. C. Petersen: Why Don't We Listen Better

    1595 Words  | 4 Pages

    Listening is a vital and important part of communication. While speaking clearly and concisely is imperative, true listening is central to speaking with mindfulness and in the case of the counselor, this mindfulness has the possibility of leading clients to their own solutions to life’s tough circumstances. In his book, Petersen (2007) breaks down the communication cycle so that we can be aware of how we react when people share their emotions with us, and how to effectively communicate by listening and speaking in turn to build strong and supportive relationships, whether they are personal or professional.

    Read More

  • Conflict Management Style

    1560 Words  | 4 Pages

    Steve A. Beebe, S. J. (2008). Interpersonal Communication. In A. a. Pearson, Interpersonal Communication, Relating To Others- Fifth Edition. Toronto, Ontario: Pearson Education, Inc.

    Read More

  • Non-Verbal Communication And Effective Communication

    1662 Words  | 4 Pages

    When a person approaches you with conversation, they should always feel comfort knowing they are being listened to. I believe in this generation, even with myself, I sometimes have trouble giving my full attention in certain situations. These days people are so eager to let someone finish speaking so they can say what they want to say, rather than take in what they are being told and respond to it directly. This is something that I believe everyone, including myself should work on. Also, you should acknowledge what someone is telling you and clarify when you are confused in order to avoid making mindless errors which can lead to assumptions, or if you work in a medical work place even cause misdiagnoses or assessments. An example that many people may notice in their daily conversations of non-therapeutic communication is when one person is always changing topics during the conversation to something they’d rather talk about, or even judging others on their opinions especially before they can explain why they see something a certain way. This is a problem with communicating because it is more focused on one person rather than equal communication between two or more

    Read More

  • Relationships And The Importance Of Communication

    1499 Words  | 3 Pages

    Communication is important in relationships as it allows us to share our interest, concerns, support each other; organize our lives and make decisions; and it allows us to work together. Effective communication is based on the way we talk and listen, how we respond and our body language. We can all learn how to improve the way we communicate.

    Read More

  • The Importance of Effective Listening Skills in the Workplace

    541 Words  | 2 Pages

    Every business consists of a variety of communication activities such as listening, speaking, questioning, gathering and participating in small work groups. The listening skill is one of the most important aspects of communication process. It helps to understand and read the other person’s message. Effective listening skills create positive workplace relationships which influence our opinions and responsiveness to one another.

    Read More

  • Active Listening Essay

    1440 Words  | 3 Pages

    As The Gift of Listening describes, “Opening one’s heart and listening at a deep level does not come easily and is rarely achieved simply by life experience” (Browning & Waite, 2010, p. 151) There are different aspects to being a good listener that are often difficult to achieve and lead to poor listening. One significant challenge to listening is the attention needed in order to actively listen to another person. Proper listening does not occur due to a passive process but instead it takes deliberate action and thought towards what a person in saying. Like previously stated, actively listening is achieved by sitting in a comfortable and open way and maintaining good eye contact. When a person does not exhibit these techniques good listening often does not occur. The challenge of utilizing different techniques in order to listen to others in a better way often gets blocked by barriers that make active listening unable to occur. In our society today one major barrier to listening is technology. In a casual setting, proper listening often doesn’t occur due to someone being tied to their cell phone. The millennial generation is often guilty of passively listening to others due to the mobile technology that is being used today. Many conversations occur without eye contact or full focus on what the other has to say and instead is spent staring at a

    Read More

  • The Importance Of Active Listening Skills

    789 Words  | 2 Pages

    In applying the skills to a case scenario, I found it difficult to focus and use my active listening skills. I do know that in an ideal situation, I will more than likely be one on one with my client and will generally conduct the interview in a quieter atmosphere, allowing me to focus better on what the client discloses. However, with continuous practice I believe I will be able to overcome becoming distracted by background noises.

    Read More

  • Reflection On My Listening Strengths As A Listener

    930 Words  | 2 Pages

    Over the past few days, I have been able to reflect on my listening skills; both strengths and weaknesses. Although I do have some strong points as a listener, there are several areas I need to improve on. Upon reflection, I was also able to create a number of goals I have for working on these skills over the semester and continuing these after the conclusion of the class.

    Read More

  • Effective Listening Essay

    825 Words  | 2 Pages

    As we all know the world can throw us some curves and change the course one may expect in their life. Listening to what others are saying is to help them in some way or another. As a counselor my goal is to apply myself as an effective listener because it’s required and if my listening skills are not up to par, then there is no reason to be in that field profession. There was a time when a friend was relying on me to listen to a problem she was having in her marriage, instead of listening my reaction was “you need a marriage counselor” she then became disappointed because my focus wasn’t on what she was saying instead my focus was on what she didn’t say and only then was my response would have been given. This to me was a mental distraction because the focus was on what my reply would have been instead of what she was actually saying to me. Listening mindfully requires us to be completely aware of what is being said and why, it is here we an understanding can be made clear (Hall D. 2017). A person who is sharing openness is most always appreciated and valued over closed mindedness in both face to face communication and online (Joseph A. DeVito 2012). Over the course of my own life there have been many occasions where effective listening was required, academically, emotionally, mentally and on a support level of

    Read More

  • The Importance of Listening

    759 Words  | 2 Pages

    A skill, according the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary, is a learned power of doing something competently: a developed aptitude or ability. The skill of listening is a skill that I believe everyone should have but most people lack. Many people do not realize that listening is not merely the act of hearing a sound but of paying close attention to what someone is saying and trying to understand the message that they are trying to relate to you. Most times people say they are listening when in all actuality they are merely hearing you but not even attempting to understand what is being spoken of. The advantages of being a good listener are vast. This skill can positively affect many parts of our everyday life and interaction with people. Nevertheless, it is a skilled that is overlooked in today’s unmindful society. The reason I believe that listening is of such importance is because nowadays people have developed the mentality of “every man for himself.” People are not concerned about their fellows anymore. We are only concerned about our own issues and problems. Listening is a skill that is acquired throughout a lifetime. It is an important virtue when it comes to communication.People should be taught from childhood the importance of learning how to listen. If we realized how much we would benefit from being good listeners, I believe that things would change. Lack of listening skills affects marriages, parents and children, teachers and students, employers and employees, foreign affairs, and the list goes on.

    Read More

More about What Makes Us Bad: Understanding the Barriers to Effective Listening

Open Document