What We Talk About When We Talk About Love
After analyzing Raymond Carver’s “What We Talk About When We Talk About Love,” it is easy to see that there are several different ideas concerning true love that the characters in the story are in dispute over. Terri’s idea of real love is the most valid out of the group at the table. All of the members of the group are rather confused as to what real love is. Terri is included as one of the confused. However, I believe that she is the closest to understanding what love is. A key piece of evidence demonstrating her understanding of love is her remark to Laura and Nick. She scolds the couple for basing their relationship on physical aspects, rather than emotion or passion. Terri, like the rest of the party, is on her second marriage. Her first husband was an abusive man that beat her, and even dragged her by her ankles around their living room. Terri’s current husband, Mel, is a cardiologist that believes in spiritual love, and that between spouses, people are barren and hollow inside, and that he could be married to any other empty person without difference. Mel is rather shielded from emotion between spouses. His only real love lies with his children, unfortunately Mel allows his conflict with his ex wife to block him from calling his them. Terri does love Mel, but she reminisces about her time with Ed. Terri realizes that Ed was full of emotion, and that he was just befuddled and chaotic in his methods of sharing his feelings....
This goes along with what I stated before on “What We Talk about When We Talk about Love” how we don’t know everyone’s complete background to why they would think love is to them. In Arthur M. Saltzman’s reading of “What We Talk about When We Talk about Love” suggests that “The saving grace of love is its elasticity” (1571). Something I also support since Mel and Terri have both been remarried, undergone hardships like divorce and tragedy. Proving that even though love is not everlasting it is elastic in the way that it is retainable. A.O. Scott’s criticism on “Looking for Raymond Carver” states on page 1576, how the narrator of “Cathedral” has an epiphany after drawing the cathedral for the blind man. The narrator stating “It was like nothing else in my life up to now”. I do agree with what Scott is saying since before in the beginning of the story the narrator didn’t like
Time and time again, she asserts to Mel that Ed’s love for her was genuine: “‘It may sound crazy to you, but it’s true just the same…Sure, he may have acted crazy. Okay. But he loved me. In his own way, maybe, but he loved me.’” (Carver 171). While the others often express doubtful opinions on love, particularly Mel, Terri remains constant on her attitude towards the subject. She wholeheartedly believes that Ed loved her to the point of death, as explained in the following quote: “‘I was in the room with him when he died,’ Terri said. ‘He never came up out of it. But I sat with him. He didn’t have anyone else…It was love,’ Terri said. ‘Sure, it’s abnormal in most people’s eyes. But he was willing to die for it. He did die for it.” (Carver
Love isn’t any of those things and although she never admitted to them being the correct way to love someone, she felt that in some sense someone that was willing to go to those extremes was because they were in love. Terri’s ex, Ed, showed love in an unhealthy level of being physically dangerous to the person he proclaimed to care for. Then, we have Laura’s and Nick’s relationship; As a reader there wasn’t much description about what they’re thoughts on love was, but we do know that they had recently been married. With this small detail, Carver lead us to almost everything we needed to know about their thoughts on love. They were in the honeymoon stage, where everything is perfect. He shows this by depicting Laura and Nick’s interaction with one another. It was small gestures like the flushing of skin when they would look at each other, or the kisses and the simple fact that Nick stated that “In addition to being in love, we like each other and enjoy each others company. She’s easy to be with.”. (Carver 174) They were at the beginning of the spectrum where they were still infatuated with each other. They couldn’t
In “What We Talk About When We Talk About Love,” Mel and Terri’s communication shows how they really feel about each other. When Mel begins talking Terri always interrupts to voice her opinion, or add more information, Mel becomes agitated. Mel gets angry and asks Terri to “just shut up for once” (479). As the story progresses the tension between Mel and Terri continues to escalate. With every interruption Terri makes to Mel’s stories, Mel’s frustration reaches a point where Terri’s solution to fixing his anger is for Mel to “take a pill” (483). This shows Mel and Terri’s relationship, there is no real true love. They do not share any form of a real relationship, no comfort, no kindness, no consoling of any kind. The struggle of communication between the couple results in a battle to find true love.
Terri, Mel's wife, was once married to an abusive man, who '...went on dragging me (Terri) around the living room. My head kept knocking on things.... What do you do with love like that?.... People are different, Mel. Sure, sometimes he may have acted crazy. Okay. But he loved me. In his own way maybe, but he loved me.'; (pp 110-111) To the reader, it seems hard to believe that there could be love in a relationship where one partner physically abuses the other. However, in Terri's case, both Terri and her ex-husband felt that they were in love. This coincides with the author's theme that early on in a r...
Ninety percent of Americans marry by the time that they are fifty; however, forty to fifty percent of marriages end in divorce ("Marriage and Divorce"). Love and marriage are said to go hand in hand, so why does true love not persist? True, whole-hearted, and long-lasting love is as difficult to find as a black cat in a coal cellar. Loveless marriages are more common than ever, and the divorce rate reflects this. The forms of love seen between these many marriages is often fleeting. Raymond Carver explores these many forms of love, how they create happiness, sadness, and anything in between, and how they contrast from true love, through his characters in "What We Talk About When We Talk About Love". Four couples are presented: Mel and Terri, Nick and Laura, Ed and Terri, and, most importantly, an unnamed elderly couple; each couple exhibits a variation on the word love.
From his career as a cardiologist and his definition of love in the beginning of the story, Mel seems to be a very intelligent and educated person. However, as the story progresses, Mel, Terri, Nick and Laura got more and more drunk. The drunk they got, the more they seemed confused about what true love is. When Mel and his friend were drunk, Mel started to give examples of an old couple to support his definition of love, but at the end, he seemed confused, and he couldn’t clearly define what love is because he was drunk. Furthermore, Mel was talking about the old couple and how they were nearly close to death in car accident, and then he ended up depression. Mel talked about his first wife, and he mentioned “If I am not praying she’ll get married again I am praying she’ll get herself stung to death by swarm of fucking bees” (Carver 683). I think when Mel ...
Did you know that the best kinds of lovers are the people that start out as your friend? This is shown in the lyrics of the R&B song "Lovers and Friends", sung by Usher, Ludacris, and Lil Jon. This song is about two people who have been friends for a long time and now are ready to take the step into being lovers. In "Lovers and Friends" the writers use sensory description and figurative language to show the theme that friends make the best lovers.
What exactly is love? Is there an absolute meaning to the word - love? Or is it purely subjective? The concept of true love is what we search for all our lives. Yet love is one of the most misunderstood concepts of all. What people really want more than anything else is to be loved unconditionally; to be accepted for who we are, and still be loved. Sometimes we will do some crazy things, "in the name of love."
Webster’s dictionary defines love as “affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties.” Wikipedia, however, defines love as “an emotion of strong fondness and personal attachment. In philosophical context, love is a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection.” Who’s right? Love is an abstract noun, meaning that there is no concrete form of love. Therefore, who’s to say who’s right or wrong? Love can only be defined by the people who claim to fall into it. But, researchers can investigate the reasons behind it. Most aspects, such as physical appearances and animal instinct, can be explained by the chemistry of the human body, but aphrodisiacs are another story altogether.
Some people believe that there is no such thing as “true love” they believe that love is nothing but an illusion designed by social expectations. These people believe that love ultimately turns into pain and despair. This idea in some ways is true. Love is not eternal it will come to an end one way or another, but the aspect that separates true love from illusion, is the way love ends. “True Love” is much too powerful to be destroyed by Human imperfection; it may only be destroyed by a force equal to the power of love. Diotima believed that “Love is wanting to posses the good forever” In other words love is the desire to be immortal and the only way that we are able to obtain immortality is through reproduction, and since the act of reproduction is a form of sexual love, then sexual love is in fact a vital part of “True love”. Sexual love is not eternal. This lust for pleasure will soon fade, but the part of love that is immortal, is a plutonic love. You can relate this theory to the birth of love that Diotima talks about. She says that love was born by a mortal mother and immortal father. The mother represents the sexual love, the lust for pleasure. The father represents the plutonic love that is immortal. Plutonic love is defined as a true friendship, the purest of all relationships. A true plutonic love will never die; it transcends time, space, and even death.
Love is the ultimate prize in life, the gift that I am most thankful for. The description of love is found in every smile, every pounding heart, and the sweet taste
“Love is universally accepted by many people and the concept of love within the English language refers to a variety of different approaches, states and attitudes, ranging from pleasure to interpersonal attraction.” (Kendrick 123) My characterization of love encourages the intimate emotion I partake for my family. The distinct connection that we fashioned and the invaluable moments that we consolidated. In the perceptive of a mother, my children are my supremacy and the greatest blessing of my lifecycle. They’re my inspiration and motivation to continue progressing and becoming the best at what I do. With that in mind, Love relics your outlooks and approaches the linkage they become associated with. Consequently, this condition can fluctuate over a period of a specific time. Additionally, depending on your situation, your perspective on love can be an altering affect, creating a stable or inconsistent assessment. Furthermore, causing your love to intensify, decline, or even cease. Love in its essence, stands justly powerful and the beauty of it advances,
Poets and philosophers for centuries have been trying to answer the question, what is love? Love has an infinite number of definitions, which vary from one person to another. Love cannot be measured by any physical means. One may never know what true love is until love it- self has been experienced. What is love? A four letter word that causes a person to behave in a way that is out of character. What is love? A first kiss, childhood crushes on a teacher or friend’s mom. What is love? A choice that people make by putting their partner’s wishes, desires and needs above everything else. What is love? The act of forgiveness, the infatuation with someone, the communication between two people. What is love? A friendship that turned into a lifelong commitment, that special someone who has vowed to spend the rest of their lives to honor and protect, to love each other “till death do you part.” When in love nothing else in the world matters. According to the online Encarta Dictionary love is the passionate feeling of romantic and sexual desire and longing for somebody. Poets and philosophers may never know what love really is, and we may never truly understand the question what is love.
What is love? Love is a very special and meaningful word to each human being. Each human being has his/her own thoughts about love to guide himself/herself to land safely and smoothly into the kingdom of Love. Without this preconceived idea of love, people would be acting like a blind person searching for the light with thousand of obstacles in front of him.