Deborah Tannen's Can't We Talk
Deborah Tannen’s case study entitled “Can’t We Talk?” is the most relevant reading that I have ever done for any class. It relates to a problem that every person regardless of age, race or sex, will have to face many times in his or her lifetime. The problem is that men and women communicate differently and these differences can often lead to conflict. This case study is very informative because it helps to clarify the thought process of each sex. That said this reading leaves the reader somewhat unfulfilled because Tannen does not offer a solution to the problem.
In Tannen’s first section, status vs. support, Tannen states that women view talking as a way to receive support, whereas men are always trying to gain the upper hand while talking. Tannen and her husband had jobs in different cities. When people would comment on her situation Tannen would accept their support of her difficult situation. Her husband, on the other hand, would feel threatened and felt compelled to refuse their support and point out the good in the situation. Due to societal influences men are often expected to be tough and therefore they feel threatened more easily. Because they feel threatened more easily they tend to go on the offensive more during conversation. Women are expected to be more sensitive and therefore they seek support. The section entitled advice vs. understanding is very closely related to status vs. support. In this section a woman has a deformed breast, due to a previous bout with cancer, and expresses her distress to her husband. Her husband responds that she could have plastic surgery to correct the deformity. She became quite upset at the thought of another surgery. Because of t...
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...roblems of inter sex communication. She does a superb job of pointing out how each sex reacts to each situation and why, but does not even propose a solution. Now that I have read this case study I feel as though I am prepared to offer a solution although I am not sure how viable it is. The recurring themes of Tannen’s case study are that men are expected to be tough and women are expected to seek support. These themes seem to be the root of the conflict between the sexes, so I would propose that each sex should do their best to break away from these expectations. Men should strive to be more open and less concerned about preserving a macho image whereas women should strive to be less dependent on the approval of others. While my proposed solution would not completely abolish miscommunication between the sexes, it would be a large step in the right direction.
In “Sex, Lies, and Conversation,” Dr. Deborah Tannen discussed good points on why opposite sexes have trouble talking and communicating. While writing the story she dug deeper than the surface of the problems, and why they happen the way they do. I relate to the points she discusses because I have been through similar situations with my own relationships. From reading this story I am able to understand the problems in these situations, and how to improve communication between sexes. The three types of communication Deborah Tannen discussed in “Sex, Lies, and Conversation” are linguistic battle of the sexes, listening to body language, and the sounds of silence.
“Men are from Mars, women are from Venus” as the famous saying of John Gray goes. It is believed men and women are nothing alike in almost every aspect. In Deborah Tannen’s essay “Gender in the classroom: Teacher’s Classroom Strategies Should Recognize that Men and Women Use Language Differently” she focused on how men and women differ when it comes to communicating, with emphasis on how it effects to how men and women behave in the classroom.
Tannen, Deborah. You Just Don't Understand : Women And Men In Conversation / Deborah Tannen. n.p.: New York : Morrow, c1990., 1990. Valdosta State University GIL Catalog. Web. 3 Mar. 2014.
Tannen observed that communication begins with children. While a child grows they learn to speak from their parents and peers. Boy and girls may grow up within the same household but learn to communicate differently with each other. In groups children often play with the same sex: i.e. girls with girls, boys with boys. Although Tannen did a study on communication between men and women, she started with the interactions and communication of children. Her study concludes boys tend to play outside within large groups usually playing: sports, army, or cops and robbers. One boy in the group tends to take control, over the rest of the members, making him the leader. Meanwhile, girls play in smaller groups or pairs playing: house or dolls. This type of playing gives girls equality to ensure they will make a best friend. Tannen points out boys style of communication is more competitive arguing over who is the winner opposed to who is the loser, while the girls are less competitive by trying to make suggestions and compromise with others.
Deborah Tannen’s, “Fighting For Our Lives,” explores the ideas and concepts behind human sociology. She delves into the sociolinguistic relationship between women and men in conversation. Tannen amplifies the importance between language and gender and how they affect interpersonal relationships. Tannen showcases her analytical thinking processes by using rhetorical strategies to support her claim on conflicted communication within the argument culture. Specifically, focusing on politics, the law, education, spousal relationships, the media and within work environments. She gives many examples to support her claim by using figurative language and literary devices such as metaphors and logic and reasoning to accurately convey her message.
In her article “But What Do You Mean” Deborah Tannen, claims that there is a huge difference in the style of communicating between men and women. Tannen breaks these down into seven different categories; apologies, criticism, thank-yous, fighting, praise, complaints, and jokes. With each of these she compares men to women by explaining the common misconceptions that each of the genders do. The different style of communication can cause some problems at the workplace and even affect the environment. The different styles of communication has been around forever and almost becomes a “ritual”(299). Tannen is effective with mainly women and not men. She is primarily successful with women due to the fact that her tone targets women, also the organization
Wood, J. T. (2013). Gendered lives: communication, gender & and culture (10th ed.). Boston, MA: Wadsworth Cengage Learning.
In the introduction of Deborah Tannen’s “Conversation Style: Talking on the Job”, she compares and contrasts the ways men and women communicate. This reminds me of what I tell people that are struggling in their relationships. Women and men express themselves differently. Women think, but men act. If you can’t wrap your head around this, being in a relationship with anyone is going to be hard. Yet, this is such a basic way of looking at this issue. Not only are the genders vastly different, but each person relates to the world around them in a certain way. He or she also needs to be related to in a specific way. Looking at personalities and personal histories can give a better look at the way we communicate with each other. Tannen examines
Sociological perspectives suggest that nonverbal communication is of particular importance to women because their socialization to docility and passivity makes them likely targets for social control. Sexuality (masculinity or femininity) is not biologically determined but is part of social learning. In "Womanspeak and Manspeak," Nancy Henley, Mykol Hamilton, and Barrie Thorne have argued that while women’s general bodily demeanor must be restrained and restricted, and that their femininity is gauged by how little (personal) space they take up. In contra...
Tannen believes that men and women are cross cultural when it comes to conversation. While analyzing basic conversation, Tannen primarily focuses on married couples and marriage, in general. Whether implied or not, Tannen fails to deliver enough credible scientific research to inform the audience of her opinions and viewpoints. Tannen begins her argument explaining a personal experience with a married couple which she invited to a group meeting that she held. Tannen uses this dependable experience to confirm that American men talk more than women in public, and usually talk less at home. Tannen uses the word “crystallizes”, to display the accuracy of her research through this personal discovery. Tannen states, “This episode crystallizes the irony that although American men tend to talk more than women in public situations, they often talk less at home” (239). Tannen presents research as if a female is the only gender to, “crave communication” in a relationship, giving no background information to support this theory. Deborah Tannen gives numerous personal accounts of issues married couples seem to have, but hardly giving actual scientific
...ind this to be a typical male trait. Our surveys and research found however, that these types of traits are normally associated with men within the business world. Through our research, we found that in a male dominated society, adapt to the male styles of communication. As we have previously stated, the styles of communication between genders differ greatly. Men tend to use conversation to obtain data whereas women use conversation to create connections. Through our research, we also came up with some solutions for bridging the communication gaps between males and females. To reduce miscommunication, males and females must learn to interpret the messages being sent to them. They must learn to understand the speakers' motives and background. In effective communication, one must realize the experiences of the speaker and listener, and work to create a common understanding of the messages being created. Males should try to understand the female need for connection whereas females need to understand the male need for data. If the two cultures can learn to combine their styles by offering information while creating a connection, the male and female communication gap will be bridged.
In Chapter Two, Gray explores men's and women's values and their differences. He points out two very important negative factors that men and women often use, "Men mistakenly offer solutions and invalidate feelings while women offer unsolicited advice and direction" (Gray 17, 21). Likewise, most of men ...
...a meaningful communication to take place. In conclusion, there are differences between men and women that go beyond social nurture. These differences have their origin in their genes. The differences evident in men and women are translated in their behavior and communication. There are possibilities of these differences in their turn raising the problem of failing to understand one another because in a communication men and women have a different set of expectations from each other. It is essential to understand and appreciate these differences for a meaningful communication to take place.
Men and women are more different than one can imagine. Though the main difference is in physical appearance, another difference is their sense of communication. Women appear to talk more than males, but like to keep their conversations more private. Males, on the other hand, will talk less, but do not mind their conversations being more public. This is just one of many examples of men and women being completely opposite of one another in terms of communication. Each gender has their own expectations of the opposite. These expectations are not usually met due to communication differences, which leads to criticisms such as, “Men do not listen” or “Women will never understand” to form. The most common assumption for why expectations are not met
Tannen, D. (2007). You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation. New York, NY: Harper.