Personal Narrative: A Past Relationship

My preffered companions are books or music or pen and paper.I have only a small circle of close friends,few of whom i get along together.They could easily be counted "misfits." To be plain,I found it quite easily to doubt my ability to have any sort of "close bond."After the closing festivities of "The Lead America conference,"this past summer,on the night before we were scheduled to leave,a girl i had met by the name of Jade,during the program's course approached me.She came to my room and sat down on my bed and announced that she was debating with herself whether she wanted me to become her boyfriend.

She wanted my reaction,my opinion.I was startled,to say the least, and frightened.I instantly said,"No."I told her I on no account wanted this and that I would reject any gestures she made towards starting a relationship.I would ignore her entirely,if need be.I elaborate that I don't know the meaning of an relationship and I started rationalizing about past relationships.She never left the room,then I knew she wanted to hear what she wants to hear.To my surprise,she did not leave instantly.Instead,she hugged her knees with a disconsolate countenance,and she rocked back and forth on my bed,while hugging her knees.

I watched her from across the room.She rocked,and I watched.Doubts crept upon me.Opportunity had knocked and the door was still locked.It might soon depart."I lied,"I said."I was afraid of what might happen if we became involved.But it's better to take the chance that to be afraid."Then her face was lit as if it was christmas.She told me she knew i had lied.I had made her realize,though,how much she actually wanted me to be her boyfriend.We decided to keep up a relationship after The Lead America Conference.Even then,I was not sure which had been the lie.Now i think that everything I said may have been true when I said it.But I'm still not sure.I learned,that night,that I could be close to someone.I also realize,now,that it doesn't matter whether or not that person os a misfit,the nly important thing is the feeling,the only important thing is the feeling,the closeness,the connection.