I’ve been prepared to do this for a long time, but today was the day I’d finally do it. Now that she’s left me, I just couldn’t find the strength to do it anymore. I closed and locked the door to my room, and slowly walked over to my bed. Reaching around under it, I grabbed the coil of rope. The manila rope felt firm in my hand, but it had also felt like the only thing holding me together. Funny, how the tool I was going to use for suicide was the only thing left holding me together, but it’s true. When I touched it, my blood should have run cold. I should have been repulsed. But without her, I had nothing left holding me together, no one left to help me with drunk Mom and Dad, and this rope was the only thing I had left. Uncoiling the rope, I looked up at the dim light that hung down from the ceiling. It hung down from a dark metal rod; one I knew would support my weight. My hands trembled as I tied the rope around the light, than tied the end into a strong noose knot. If I got into it, I would hang about a foot off the ground, suspended in death. Perfect. Could I really do this? I stood up on my chair. People die all the time, but people still moved on, right? So why can’t I move on too? I pulled the noose around my head, my hands trembling as I do so. If . . . if only I could start over. If only today hadn’t happened. I could change everything. No one would have to die. I glanced at the clock, and saw its green digits read exactly eleven o’clock. "I’ll never get that second chance. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be," I whispered. I hesitated — but only for a second — then kicked the chair, embracing whatever would come next. I could feel my heart jump as the chair hit the ground with a heavy thud. I choked, my lungs and neck ... ... middle of paper ... ...en able to save Cathy. My vision went hazy. My lungs and neck burned hotter and hotter, and dizziness settled in. I deserved all this and more. Death was approaching, and this time, I was ready for it. The rope suddenly snapped. I fell and I fell until I hit something soft, something beating. I found myself lying, on my stomach, against what looked like a human heart. Impossible! This couldn’t be happening! I hallucinated everything . . . right? How could this be real? Was I dying . . . or was I really getting a second chance? Even if this was a second chance, there was no way I could save Cathy . . . or was there? A laugh escaped me despite myself. “Let’s go. I’m ready.” Almost as if in response, the heart gave one, tremendous pulse. My entire body shook and I — not knowing whether death or a real second chance awaited me — blacked out, ready to take on anything.
Think to myself if I untie the rope I can be free and swim to the top of the Pacific Ocean. I start reaching down and untie 2 of the knots 1 to go, but before I could get to it I ran out of air for good. Drowning is definitely not on my bucket list of things to do before I die.
I shifted a little, only to have a jolt of pain run through my body. I gave a sharp gasp as a sharp pain shot across me. And I noticed that my wrists felt heavier then usual.
...her arm stub, and spanked me with her peg leg. I cried as she, one last time, twitched her way out of my life. I walked out of the hospital and out into the bright sun that I hadn’t seen for 9 months. I got sunburned instantly. I ran to Tim who was crunching cars in the parking lot. I sat on his foot and cried my eyes out. He looked down on me as he crushed a really nice Porsche. I hopped onto his back and rode off into the sunset with a heavy heart, back to the circus.
Suddenly I felt nothing again. Then it felt like I was asleep. I couldn't even think about anything. It was like my mind was shut off.
Footsteps clumped against the wooden floor boards, creaking underneath the weight of the unwanted visitor. Something was being dragged behind them with a low scraping noise. The small pitch black closet where I hid was musty and cramped. I was sitting as far back as I possibly could, my knees pulled tightly to my chest. I had spent many nights in this closet before, but I had never feared this much for my life. I could feel the terror pulse through my veins as the sound of the creaking floor boards got closer and closer to the door. I began shaking uncontrollably and began to quietly sob, partly because of the fear, partly because of the immense pain that was going over my body in waves.
I could feel the tight harness coiled around my thighs, supporting me from falling to an inevitable doom 75 feet below. My clammy hands grasped the rope I was attached to as if the rope was my life. I think I had left my stomach back on the ground; all I could feel was regret and self pity. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t tell the counselor to somehow manage to get me back down. I then swallowed down the bile coming up my throat, and it was at that moment I got launched across the sky.
My trembling hands clutch the crinkled bed sheets. They tighten their grasp as I slowly lift my eyelids and bring myself back to reality. A haze shields my vision. As I attempt to raise my head, a chain suffocates me, dragging my body back onto the hospital bed. My fingers swiftly crawl up my chest, recklessly clinging to my neck, trying to identify the restraint. A neck brace. Now that I take a look at my broken body, I see a several layers of bandaged tapes, with crimson marks seeping through, covering my injured arms and bruised legs. I wince at the thought of blood and slip back into unconscious.
Suddenly I felt a knife cut through the thin skin in my throat, to stick itself into my breathing pipe, I couldn’t breathe anymore, and all my air was escaping. A spasm took my body then all went black, the last thing I ever herd was the sound of the guards cheering and laughing. I felt my soul trying to leave my body tugging, tugging as my flesh died, but then just before the last of my strength was about to leave my body, I felt as if my throat was burning. Then I realized that the laughs had stopped, I can hear, I can see, I can breathe, I’m…. I’m alive “I’M ALIVE,” I yelled, “DO YOU HEAR ME I’M ALIVE”, and I ran towards the car that was stil...
As the memories returned, dreams collided with reality, the two fusing seamlessly together, my breath quickening, heart quivering in my chest, the fear beating its wings viciously, trying to escape the confines of my mind once again, craving the freedom it’s discovered in my sleeping horror. As the illusions began to conquer my brain, I receded into my mind, the loathing hate forming a heavy blanket over me, forcing my body into submission, drowning it in fearful sleep. The now familiar ache returned to my wrists, the dull pain spreading slowly, agonisingly, down my arms, reminiscent of the ropes curled around my wrists, the bounds that fasten me to my nightmares. The sleep more binding now, my body responding to the conjuring of my mind, only able to manage slight struggles in the waking world, as I’m held captive by the imaginings of the fear.
Thump-thump, breathe thump-thump, breath. My heart beat as if it was pounding out through my brain; I tried to catch my breath. I heard footsteps coming up behind me like an elephant chasing at my heels. A scream pierced my ears and echoed many times in my mind. My thoughts raced from one thing to another. After locking the door, the four of us clinched in a corner for nearly an hour.
The metal frame of the chair was cold, it first froze me instantly but after being there long enough it rose to my body’s temperature and began to be bearable. I didn’t want to close my eyes at this point and tried harder than ever to keep them open for as long as possible. They began to burn after a certain point but nothing can amount to what I felt when I closed them. It’s as if the sleep and loss of light was draining me, taking me from my body and ripping my soul to another point in space. I fought for the pain not to come and yet I knew this was already a losing battle. I needed more than light to keep me going I needed thoughts, well orchestrated happy thoughts. So I began to dig, dig deep.
The time seemed to stop and the vortex where I was trapped slowed dramatically. I tried to succumb to the self pity that was so strong inside of me, but I didn't. I chose to do those things and now I will be punished for them.