What

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Oh, English, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways: I love thee much because I do not have to solve for “x” or dissect the gluteus maximus or associate with right-wing political extremists. I love thee for the oxford comma, the iambic pentameter, and the lady Sylvia Plath. But society does not love thee, and why, I do not know. The English major thrives with opportunities and is as self-satisfying as any other major. The world doth protest too much, methinks.
Recently, I Google searched “major in english.” Google, a lot like a woman, attempted to finish my sentence with a popular search: “why do people major in english.” I am not sure if I am more appalled that my intentions have been questioned or that this is a query of notable popularity. That English, seemingly the very livelihood of our existence and as vital to us as the very blood in our veins, is questioned astonishes me. The Bard of Avon’s words are permanently etched on the bodies of more people than can recite a single stanza of Hamlet, yet English as a major is spit on. The value of those who major in it is overlooked, their capacity overshadowed. Those fond of English are many people in one. They are the compilation of the awing minds of great thinkers soaked up from unabridged tomes alongside a cup of java at the Barnes & Noble cafe. They are powerful beyond measure, for they have been programed to criticize, to inspect all they observe and to questions its assumptions. English majors are not-contrary to popular belief- out to snicker at the grammatical discrepancies of the general population. They are not introverts incapable of influential social interaction. They are mines of cultural wonder and literary aesthetic with minds attentive to the minute. If awe can...

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...gh achievers, the mid-career 75th percentile salary is a whopping $93,200. English majors may not be too good with numbers, but the numbers are definitely good to them. Furthermore, if success is to be accounted for, plenty of English majors have made their mark, and I’m not just speaking of writers like Stephen King. Sally Ride was out of this world with English, literally (she was an astronaut). Conan O’ Brien, a comedian, is a household name and proves that English isn’t just for the bookworms. Finally, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, guardian of the First Amendment, ordains this language to be of the utmost sanctity.
All majors have their flaws and all people their opinions. Sometimes those opinions are dead wrong, and with impeccable delight I respond to society’s dogging remarks about the competency of the English major with “Yeah, write!” pun intended.

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