The Importance Of My Relationship With Parents

I spent my high school years wondering why my parents weren’t fitting (this?) stereotype of being the (better word for ‘pushers’) of their children’s (child’s?) education. I wondered if it was something I was doing wrong that was preventing them from encouraging me in that way. It was completely impossible to understand what it was they wanted for my future. For me, I needed that support and validation. Some people, such as my sister, are the opposite, and have trouble comprehending why I have never reveled in the fact that my parents are (not strict).

I’ve come to understand why I pressured myself the way I did. I wanted to have control of my life entirely. I thought if my parents didn’t much care what I did with my life, then I would have

Any fights we have nowadays are about simple things, like who does the house chores, rather than the (harsh) words or emotionally charged silences of the past. I think, even though they don’t say it much, they are proud of what I am doing. In some way they understand that I don’t want to ‘end up like them’, as I’ve said to them more than once.

This need for perfection is not necessarily because of a harsh upbringing, it is something I placed on myself at a young age. Maybe it could be directly related to the financial struggles I was acutely aware of even as a small child. Perhaps I knew I would be destined to be the “moneymaker” of the family, and I wanted some semblance of control, even if all I could do to help (my parents’ stress) was to maintain good grades.

The idea of going to college was an easy one to come by. I knew it was what I wanted by at least the start of high school. Maybe I was somewhat influenced by my classmates’ multitude of discussion about who would attend what college. It is an idea in every high school student’s mind, and whether or not they are able to actually find their way there is different for each

I tried every (permutation) I could. At one point, I thought I could get a job, move to an apartment in Tulsa and work on providing vet care, and eventually being able to attend school. That didn’t work out, so I thought the entire family could move closer to a university so I could do everything I wanted and also have them with me. Luckily none of them were ever opposed to moving, so this wasn’t as selfish as it sounds. However, it soon became clear that none of this would happen. Ashley developed an inoperable tumor on her eye, and this became a glariyingly obvious statement of her health. The truth had then became unavoidable, and I had to find a way to accept the fact that there was no way we could spend the rest of our lives together. This led me to a cycle of insomnia and depression that to this day still shows up on occasion.

Even if I still have doubts today on whether or not it was the right decision at the right time, it was obvious to the vet she had to be humanely euthanized, so I decided to