Deborah Tannen, professor of linguistics at Georgetown University, argues that miscommunication between men and female results in different expectations for each gender. The two types of misalignments, according to Tannen, are topical and physical. She reports that topical behavior for men is based on doing activities together in large, hierarchical groups and frequently switching from topic to topic when they are talking, whereas women tend to have intimate conversations in smaller groups by sharing secrets and focusing on one topic. Tannen says that the physical behavior of men is to face away and focus on objects around them and periodically glance at the person that is talking to them whereas women make eye contact. She explains that
“Men are from Mars, women are from Venus” as the famous saying of John Gray goes. It is believed men and women are nothing alike in almost every aspect. In Deborah Tannen’s essay “Gender in the classroom: Teacher’s Classroom Strategies Should Recognize that Men and Women Use Language Differently” she focused on how men and women differ when it comes to communicating, with emphasis on how it effects to how men and women behave in the classroom.
Deborah Tannen wrote “ Talk in the Intimate Relationship” to help people learn something about how men and women's interactions differ. She is a language scholar and has past experience of failed relationships and she feels as though this was because of lack of communication. Her main focus is on metamessages, these are messages that go beyond what we say. She states that the people that are literal minded, miss out on the context of what communication is. What this essay will consist of being what Tannen calls metamessages, summarizing her article on how men and woman talk, deciding whether Tannen is favorable to both genders and last but not least if I agree to an extent with Tannen says in her article.
In the essay, “Sex, Lies, and Conversations,” linguist Deborah Tannen argues about men and women having different styles of communicating with each other. She also states that misunderstandings between the husband and wife can affect marriage and can lead to divorces. She describes how men and women communicate contrarily which originated in childhood socialization. Because conversation is the cornerstone of their friendship, young girls often share secrets, thoughts, feelings and impressions; moreover, this is how girls and women build intimacy in their relationships. On the other hand, young boys don’t assume that conversations build their relationships, but they’d rather do more things together. Boys are more inclusive, and more hierarchical
Slaves had finally been set free by law, but unfortunately, the southern white citizens of America had a hard time accepting that. Carl Schurz, a reporter, asked southerners how they felt about emancipation, and they had no positive feedback. They believed negroes were lazy and would do society no benefit without slavery. Louis Manigault, a land owner, witnessed something different after his return to his plantation. He saw a team working to keep his plantation running.
Women respond very well to tone and word choice, which Tannen uses to her advantage. She uses personal experience to relate with her more female audience. For example, in the criticism section she uses a scenario that occurred between a male and female editors. Tannen “appreciated her tentativeness” that she gave Tannen when wanting to cut out part of her story(301). In contrast to that her male editor gave her a much different response, saying “call me when you have something new to say”(301). By stating a scenario with two very different outcomes, she falls more bias to women. This is effective to her more female audience because it paints women in a positive light and paints the men in a very negative light. The obvious bias towards women can arguably hurt her more than it could help her. Tannen automatically outs her male audience at a very awkward side, and makes it impossible for them to feel sympathy towards her. This hurts Tannen’s opportunity for having a broad audience, but for what she wrote it for she is very effective. If we are simply talking about how effective it was for women then Tannen hit home with them. Tannen’s choice of using what men say is also very smart, and helps with her effectiveness. She heard a man say, that after working for two women he realized neither of them have a sense of humor(304). By using examples like these
She mainly researches women and how they converse. Tannen refers to Catherine Kohler Riessman when she reports “that most women but only a few men-but only a few of the men-gave lack of communication the reason for their divorce.” (Tannen, 2014, 73) This
Steven Pinker distinguishes the difference between talking to man and women. Pinker showed a lady that was comfortable talking to another lady and the lady became angry when her talking to a man, not women (Pinker 2007 .p112, 113). People used intricacies method to achieve their needs and emotion instead of saying what they need to say directly. (Pinker 2007 .p113) Furthermore, even in a sexual situation, people twist and turn around and turn around their words. For example, “would you like to come up and see my etching?” (Pinker 2007.p113) Moreover, people use a kind word to order something from someone else without making a demand to the receiver or using indirect speeches to avoid a problem that may happen by mistake. (Pinker, 2007
Tannen believes that men and women are cross cultural when it comes to conversation. While analyzing basic conversation, Tannen primarily focuses on married couples and marriage, in general. Whether implied or not, Tannen fails to deliver enough credible scientific research to inform the audience of her opinions and viewpoints. Tannen begins her argument explaining a personal experience with a married couple which she invited to a group meeting that she held. Tannen uses this dependable experience to confirm that American men talk more than women in public, and usually talk less at home. Tannen uses the word “crystallizes”, to display the accuracy of her research through this personal discovery. Tannen states, “This episode crystallizes the irony that although American men tend to talk more than women in public situations, they often talk less at home” (239). Tannen presents research as if a female is the only gender to, “crave communication” in a relationship, giving no background information to support this theory. Deborah Tannen gives numerous personal accounts of issues married couples seem to have, but hardly giving actual scientific
Men and women are not made equal. At least this is what Deborah Tannen believes in her article “How Male and Female Students Use Language Differently.” Tannen is a professor at Georgetown University, and is often highly revered for her work in linguistics. The article is meant to show the differences in communication learned at an early age by boys and girls. However, in the article, Tannen shows lack of direction with thought and evidence that should be apparent in the work of someone on the collegiate level.
In the introduction of Deborah Tannen’s “Conversation Style: Talking on the Job”, she compares and contrasts the ways men and women communicate. This reminds me of what I tell people that are struggling in their relationships. Women and men express themselves differently. Women think, but men act. If you can’t wrap your head around this, being in a relationship with anyone is going to be hard. Yet, this is such a basic way of looking at this issue. Not only are the genders vastly different, but each person relates to the world around them in a certain way. He or she also needs to be related to in a specific way. Looking at personalities and personal histories can give a better look at the way we communicate with each other. Tannen examines
Lieberman, Simma. “Differences in Male and Female Communication Styles” Simma Lieberman Associates (undated). Retrieved February 25, 2010<
Deborah Tannen’s case study entitled “Can’t We Talk?” is the most relevant reading that I have ever done for any class. It relates to a problem that every person regardless of age, race or sex, will have to face many times in his or her lifetime. The problem is that men and women communicate differently and these differences can often lead to conflict. This case study is very informative because it helps to clarify the thought process of each sex. That said this reading leaves the reader somewhat unfulfilled because Tannen does not offer a solution to the problem.
Tannen, D. (2007). You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation. New York, NY: Harper.
Problems in every society usually derive from one specific thing. Miscommunication. How many times have you gotten in an argument or a disagreement with someone over what someone said, and then you later found out that that person meant something completely different from what was running through your head? How many times have you gotten off the phone with someone—someone important, --and wondered, what in the world were he or she talking about? I often get this feeling after class.
Essentially, we are all different. We use language differently and interpret language differently. This is what we base our perceptions of others on, thus it is ultimately what dictates our interaction with others. The fact that men’s and women’s interaction differs because the two sexes generally interpret things differently is not a strange phenomenon, because we are all different.