Personal Narrative: Lasagna

I am drowning. The water is finally done with me. The extreme cold temperature bleeds all the energy from my body and my muscles hung- limp in uselessness. With superhuman effort, I struggled to keep myself above the surface. The ocean oblivious to my predicament continued to spin me around and force me to plunge deeper and deeper under the water. Even when I manage to catch my breath in the few terrifying seconds I miraculously push my head into the air, I barely get a lungful before I am sucked under again. The current is too strong. The waves mock my fruitless attempt to salvage myself from a despondent situation by slapping me with more waves. And suddenly.. It all stopped. The fierce gust and deadly waves died down. Could it be the sea

Lasagna is being served today so everyone is happy. I don’t eat much and spend lunch hour playing with my Pikoura (twist) necklace (“It's said to represent the path of life and symbolize the strong bond between two loved ones. It’s a powerful expression of loyalty because the arms of the twist have no end point, just like lifelong relationships.”). My mind drifts back to a time when me and Ariki got caught stealing creams buns from a bakery shop. The satisfaction of eating something after days of scrapping leftovers in the garbage triumphed the consequences of our actions. He gave me this necklace to symbolize our brotherhood; he is all I have as my parents died at a young age so we were left to fend off for each other. What a load of bullshit. I quickly shake the memory away. No one can save myself but me. I had to learn that the hard way when my brother betrayed me by sending me to this place. They call it the ‘asylum’ as it were a place of refuge, it is anything but. It is a place for the lost, the forgotten, the broken.. In here, I am treated like a demented child- as if I am not perfectly capable of thinking for myself.. Which brings me to that knife sitting next to me.. I hear it whispering my name and I feel the strong urge to kill myself. I could. The nurse is distracted. But then… I hear a familiar voice call my name; ‘GEN!”. I turn my head around sharply and cry tears of joy. My brother Ariki is standing in front of me. He looks different from the last time I saw him. More edgy. More tired. Not sleepy tired. Like tired of everything. “I’m back.” he said. In spite of my suffering, at the thought that I would end my life that was given to me by Our precious God brought me to silent tears. For the first time in a million years, I thought, “If I made it this far in my treacherous battle between life and death, what else are the possibilities?”