Men and Grieving
Men don't grieve, or do they? Men who grieve are something that is rarely seen in today's society. This past year my grandfather, Lynn Osborne, passed away and I suffered a great loss. This man was my grandfather, my father, and my true best friend. Throughout my life, he taught me many things and without him I thought I could not go on living. In my eyes, there was no point in being here. I would rather it have been me so that way I could still see him.
This was a very difficult time for me and it still is, but I am not alone. Many men have the same problem dealing with the loss of a loved one, but we have a strange way of showing it. We have a certain finitude when it comes to showing our emotions. Men do grieve, but in a different way than women. They just "bottle-up" their feelings and do not express their pain.
As young boys, they were told, "big boys don't cry." That is what they live by, never showing emotion. When the time comes for men to show their emotions, they either do not know how or let it build up inside us. This leads to alcoholism, other addictions, and early death. When a loved one dies that is close to a certain man, he begins to act strange; doing things out of the norm. Although different men respond in different ways, they all have the same symptoms. For example, "I suffered, I grieved, I broke down, and I cooked fabulous meals for those who came to comfort me" (Anderson 203). This shows that he suffered and grieved but did not show it in the common way. He expresses his pain through cooking for the ones that came to mourn with him. Another example, "There is one place her absence come locally home to me, and it is a place I can't avoid. I mean my own body…Now its like an empty house…I know the thing I want is exactly the thing I can never get" (Lewis 23). This shows a man's love for his wife, but he doesn't share with his buddies, he writes his loss in a book, this is how he expresses his loss.
At some point in everybody’s life they feel the sorrow and anguish of losing somebody. The the stories “Nashville Gone to Ashes” and “When It’s Human Instead of When It’s Dog”, both a widow and widower are not able to move on with their life after the loss of their loved one. In both cases the mister and the widow both come to the conclusion that their significant other is not coming back leading them to find ways to cope with their deaths, move on and function the best they can with their lives.
Has there ever been a time in your life where you had to experience a tragedy. The Seventh Man did. The seventh man was only ten years old on a september afternoon when a typhoon hit his home town of Providence of S. During the eye of the storm, he and his friend named K went down to the beach. A wave hit and killed K but the seventh man was able to escape. For the rest of the seventh man’s life, he had to deal with survivor's guilt until he was able to forgive himself. Should the seventh man forgive himself of his failures? Yes, The seventh man should forgive himself of all responsibility of K’s death.
Staudacher, Carol. Men & Grief, A Guide for Men Surviving the Death of a Loved One, a Resource for Caregivers and Mental Health Professionals. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, 1996.
The most mysterious and unusual for of death, that is intended to end the life of a person with his suffering leading to inestimable amount of suffering for the people around the deceased. People say that death is the last state of life and ending the last state of life though an uncommon end is a bit odd. In 1996 in the Los Angeles Roxanna Roberts wrote “The Grieving Never Ends” and has expressed that how much people around the deceased had to suffer after the suicide. The word “Suicide” is a selfish act committed by people that are blinded by their own suffering and don’t realize the pain they will bring to others around them. Ending the life in such a manner will not only disturb peace in one self but also bring destruction on others in
When death has taken someone from your life, you think of everything you said to them, your last words, memories, and the talks that happened. During this assignment, one will see the grieving process from me about a tenant that I took care of, and the impact this lady’s passing away, left me. Polan and Taylor (2015) says “Loss challenges the person’s priorities and importance of relationships.” (pg 226) When an individual loses someone that you see everyday and take care of, this effects you because, you build a relationship and get to know each other on a personal level. When my tenant was passing away it was painful. I didn’t know what to feel when I seen what was happening and knew what was taking place.
It is common for those experiencing grief to deny the death altogether. Many people do this by avoiding situations and places that remind them of the deceased (Leming & Dickinson, 2016). However, by simply avoiding the topic of death and pain, the mourner only achieves temporary relief while in turn creating more permanent lasting agony (Rich, 2005). In this stage, mourners will begin to feel the full weight of the circumstance. Whether the death of a loved one was sudden or long-term, survivors will feel a full range of emotions, such as sadness, guilt, anger, frustration, hopelessness, or grief. While many of these emotions can cause serious suffering, it is important for the survivor to feel whatever emotions come up and deal with those feelings, rather than trying to suppress any
Everyone copes with grief in his or her own ways. Tracy K. Smith, the poet laureate of the United States and
The compassionate team at Hamden Memorial Funeral Home in Hamden, CT, knows that losing your spouse can be emotionally challenging, and the grief that a widow or widower experiences following the loss of a loved one is beyond words. While every person copes with loss in their own unique way, there are a few tips that you may find helpful if you’ve recently lost your husband or wife.
This process is not easy because having a grief and working through the pain is very different from each other. This process is a broad concept because it includes several positive ways of handing the grief. The proper identification of the various emotions regarding pain and dealing with those is the main procedure of this task. The various emotions of grief are shame, hopelessness, fear, anger, guilt, sadness, loneliness, lack of hope, feeling emptiness (Beckett & Dykeman, 2017). The task can be accomplished in a correct manner if the griever is properly acknowledged by talking and understanding. Though there is one limitation in this process which can be a complex situation that is the griever can deny all the emotions and avoid talking about them. This process can create distress and anguish inside the mind of the griever. Sometimes this problem may rise due to the attitude of the society which creates a sense of grief inside the mind of the griever who tends to avoid the whole situation thinking nobody would understand. This whole criterion can be resolved if there is a proper sense of understanding among the griever and the society. (Brown,
I have felt the pain of the loss of a Sister; have felt the pain of the death of my Mother, and felt the death of my Father. I know how it feels. I experienced it. It is painful, looking at those old kind folks who bore you; who took care of you; went through all kinds of sacrifices and pains just to look after you for years and years, until one day the child stood on one’s own two feet, and then … there they are, the parents, helpless and lifeless in front of you.
...when they lose someone dear to them. However, we need to make the distinction that his words do not dictate how everyone should feel when coping with a loss.
Anton Chekhov “Misery” focuses on the misery of a man, Iona. Chekhov uses dialogue and events to displays Iona’s loneliness, delusion, and grief displacement, to define his different forms of misery. Iona Potapov, the character of “Misery,” is a cab driver in St. Petersburg whose only son has died the week before. Iona’s loss of his son is not the root of his pain, it’s the fact that he can’t properly grieve.
All of my life, until I was eighteen years old, I didn’t understand the concept of grieving. Grief just hasn’t been something I’ve ever had to experience before. Because of my lack of experience I had no understanding of what grieving felt like. All of his changed for me on July 29th.
...y emotional moments where men were saying their final farewells to their wives because they ultimately knew what their fate was. They knew that this noble deed of theirs was a death sentence for them, but that’s what is expected of men, they are to give up their lives for women.
In my life time, I have experienced many deaths. I have never had anyone that was very close to me die, but I have shed tears over many deaths that I knew traumatically impacted the people that I love. The first death that influenced me was the death of my grandfather. My grandfather passed away when I was very young, so I never really got the chance to know him. My papaw Tom was my mothers dad, and she was very upset after his passing. Seeing my mom get upset caused me to be sad. The second death that influenced my life was the death of my great grandmother. My great grandmother was a very healthy women her whole life. When she was ninety three she had