Tips On Overcoming Self-Defeating Behaviors By Kevin Sinclair Aug 17, 2007 Self-defeating behaviors are those activities and habits that keep us from accomplishing our desired goals. We may not recognize that we have self-defeating behaviors. Consequently, we must take some time to objectively assess how we behave, think, and act. We initially became entangled in self-defeating behaviors because we found the behavior a way to cope with an unpleasant situation. For example, a young child lies when caught in an uncompromising position. If the parent doesn't catch and lets the child get away with it, the behavior becomes imprinted in the child's behavior pattern. As the child approaches adulthood, and there has been no attempt to get rid of …show more content…
Definitely a self-defeating behavior! What can you replace it with? The next time you are criticized, you decide to listen carefully, and if the criticism is valid, you ask the person what you can do to improve your performance. Now that's not easy to do. But if you visualize yourself substituting the more positive behavior, you have a good chance of actually making the behavioral change. 3. Set a goal for conquering the self-defeating behavior. Write down you goal. Review it frequently. 4. Monitor how you are doing in achieving the goal of eliminating your self-defeating behaviors. For example, you set a goal to exhibit a more positive reaction to someone's criticism. You then monitor how well you do the next someone gives you constructive criticism. If you don't react positively, begin the process over of reinforcing the desire to substitute a more positive behavior, set a new goal (such as "The next time I'm criticized, I will listen and ask for ideas on how I can do better."), and monitor how I do. Since we all come into adulthood with self-defeating behaviors that will hinder our progress, determining to recognize and overcome these behaviors will lead to a more fulfilling
1.Discuss two scenes that illustrate the self-fulfilling prophecy. Be sure to address the expectation set as well as the specific behavior(s) that led to the prophecy being fulfilled.
When someone asks “do you mind if I offer you some feedback?”, you immediately think that you did something terribly wrong. You don’t know whether to feel proud or to feel ashamed, or even feel like you’ve been attacked and need to defend yourself as much as possible. Difficulty with accepting criticism is nothing new; in fact, it is more common than you think. We are often criticized after completing anything from simple tasks to the most complex projects we can accomplish. Common examples of what we are criticized for are: work ethic, creative works such as music, television, articles, etc., and for any mistake, small or large, we make during our day-to-day lives. Anybody can give constructive
created through the human psyche, It is in ourselves that we can undermine the process.
The first topic of discussion is the self-imposed, or self-inflicted, self-fulfilling prophecy. This idea follows that if one has a preconception or notion of an outcome, then chances are that person will raise the possibility of making it so. Take for example these cases-in-hand that Channing Grigsby, teacher of self-esteem speaks of:
In fact, we are not so we use the “immune system” to comfort ourselves through self-deception. In order to keep in comfortable safety lines that boost our own confidence in learning, we try to gain control of the input and output of our thinking. However, by trying to maintain positivity, we may mask our inability to comprehend, thus deceiving ourselves by believing that everything is still in control. Consequently, we do not attempt to solve the problem. This method of self-consolation utilizes the “immune system” to explain the problem, “we may refer to the processes by which the psychological immune system does its job as ‘tactics’ or ‘strategies’, but these terms - with their inevitable connotation of planning and deliberation - should not cause us to think of people as manipulative schemers who are consciously trying to generate positive views of their own experience” (Gilbert 131). When things are out of control or the unexpected happens, we automatically explain or find excuses to interpret the situation. We look for excuses that lead to positive outcomes, no matter how unpleasant it really is. Because we subconsciously want to interpret that we are still in control, we find ways to manipulate the truth to qualify that truth. Once a “reasonable” explanation is conjured, we consciously believe it is the truth because we can decrease the negative impact of the event. Even though the truth has been made up, we
The Immunity to Change Map is an examination of our current actions, thoughts or behaviors that prevent us from developing into a better version of ourselves. This process is not a simple exercise in divulging our behavioral aspirations. The ITC map is an in-depth methodology that highlights several aspects of understanding the issues behind an individual’s lack of success in reaching developmental goals. Once the improvement goal has been established, it is important to identify the counterproductive behaviors that work against the goal. The next step is an acknowledgement of the related personal stresses or issues, called a “worry box.” The worry box are the related fears that keep us from moving forward. Defining the “hidden competing commitments” is next in the process. Kegan and Laskow Lahey (2009) explain hidden competing commitments as items that that aid in our self p...
Another behavior that I could work on is that I tend to keep some things inside that I dwell on things longer than necessary. For instance, I had my first girlfriend when I was in college. We broke up after a few months, but I had already fallen in love with her, and took the break-up hard. (“My Virtual Life” Emerging Adulthood) I only told a close friend Sarah and my best friend Alex about it, and they both insisted that I go talk to someone about it, but I didn’t go. They said
Criticism could be either use in a positive way to improve or a negative way that can lower your self-esteem and cause stress anger or even aggression. When I was growing up I had to deal with criticism through school. People would say I was tall and skinny or my hair wasn’t real. My legs were so long that it was so hard to buy me any pants, once I made it to middle school. As a child my mother didn’t believe in adding chemicals to our hair, so I grew up with very natural and thick hair. Some people would ask me “Is that all you hair?” “Is that weave?” or some people would just run their fingers through my hair. I hated this criticism so bad that I would only want to wear my hair in a ponytail with a ball. I would beg and plead my mom to just let me cut my hair because I was sick of the
The behavior I want to change involves reducing the time I spend daily on my cell phone, without actual human interaction.
Favored way of thinking and acting becomes traps that lock’s up individuals with socially contracted world and prevent the emergence of other worlds.
“Self-concept consists of knowledge, views and evaluation of the self, ranging from miscellaneous facts of personal history to the identity that gives a sense of purpose and coherence to life” (McCrae and Costa, 1996). With self-concept, we learn who we are by observing ourselves and using our cognitive processes to judge and evaluate our behaviour. However, with self-regulation, we are able to use this knowledge and judgment and apply it to future situations and so predicts behaviour and says a lot about our personality. If we are willing to cognitively analyse past situations and apply it effectively to future situations, this means we are changing our behaviour, thus changing our
Positive criticism is given to not just point out what you are not doing correctly or in the most effective way but, to demonstrate or explain how you could do perform better in the work place. This form of criticism is important for you to learn how to take not only in the work place but in life. It will not only improve your work but will be beneficial for the company that you are working for, which could lead to promotions or increase in pay. Basically with learning to recognize positive criticism you are helping yourself and the company you are working
Self-discipline is that of an individual to choose the hard right over the easy wrong when nobody
Nelson, B. (2013). A Dose of Positive Reinforcement Can Go a Long Way. T+D, 67(3), 40-44.
goal to try to accomplish that accurately makes sense. And stick to whatever goal I set and not