Dying: A Short Story

Everything went blank. The world was spinning. My ears were ringing and my heart was pounding. I thought I was dead and in hell. It felt like the world wasn’t real. I was so frightened that I started praying, praying for god’s forgiveness. I felt my soul lifting out of my body. It seemed like I was balancing between life and death. I couldn’t move. It felt like I was paralyzed. I kept trying to snap out of it and return to reality. It felt like I was trapped and there was no way of getting out. I felt as though I was a fish, trapped in a glass bowl. My heart was beating faster than a humming bird’s wings. I thought I was having a heart attack. There was a group of people walking up to me. They seemed like an image zooming in closer and closer.

My vision was distorted. It looked like the world wasn’t three-dimensional anymore, like there were just photographs of different views. I felt as though my surroundings were not real. I was awfully dizzy. I couldn’t walk, I had no balance. In an unusual way, I lost track of time. Five minutes felt like 2 hours. I couldn’t have a complete conversation because it felt like every sentence occurred an hour ago. It was like a dream within a dream. I felt so alone, no one understood what going on with me. Everyone was just laughing and calling me crazy. They thought it was joke, meanwhile, I thought it was a nightmare. I thought to myself, once I saw what was beyond, I could never go back. I started crying. This couldn’t have been real life. However, I wasn’t done living this wonderful life. I wasn’t ready to die. I just wanted the feeling to be over. The hardest part was being alone. I would over think and just start to hallucinate. Soon the feeling went away. I was confused. I wanted to know what happened to me and why. I couldn’t believe that I experienced something as horrifying as that. It was definitely the most terrifying experience of my

I just couldn’t believe what happened. I just wanted to kill myself. I thought I was never going to feel normal anymore. I was experiencing these strange panic attacks almost everyday. They were nowhere near normal. I looked more into it and started reading about derealization- depersonalization disorder. I was so stunned because it was exactly what I was experiencing. It is the feeling that you are living in a dream. You feel like you are observing yourself outside of your body, like you are a robot being controlled. Some people said it took them 9 years to overcome it. I did not want to live a fearful life. I wanted to do something about it as soon as possible. I probably sound crazy explain this right now, but believe me, I am not over exaggerating anything. It’s hard to believe it if you haven’t experienced it. However, it has impacted my life to a large extent. It was hard for me to engage in conversation with people, to go to work, and to go to school. I stopped leaving my house for the longest time and trapped myself in my room. I also began having panic attacks in my sleep almost every night. I would wake up not knowing where I am or who I am. Standing here right now, talking about this to you