Creative Writing: Neil Is Gone

Neil is gone. The words rang through Andrew’s mind, bouncing off his skulls. Wymack’s words from hours before were laced through his blood like poison, worse than anything he had been told by any of his foster families. It hurt; it hurt so badly that Andrew wanted to cut it out of his veins and let it drip to the ground with his blood. It had been so long since Andrew had wanted to destroy himself to keep someone. The last time had been Cass, but losing Neil was a thousand times worse.

Gone. Gone. Neil is gone. Neil is gone and he lied. He lied. Neil is Nathaniel. Nathaniel is gone. Andrew’s thoughts were a jagged, broken loop, slicing deeper into him than any knife ever could. Andrew didn’t care that Neil had lied in that moment. He didn’t

Hate was a safer word to use because hate came with fewer expectations. Even so, Andrew had stopped denying to himself that he had fallen head over heels for Neil Josten and that no one else would ever come into the picture. Andrew didn’t trust anyone else like he trusted Neil, so there would never be anyone else. Neil was more than enough to make Andrew happy.

Sure that Neil was asleep, Andrew reached out and slowly traced the phrase onto the bare skin of Neil’s back. I love you. Neil would probably never hear the words out loud, and he certainly wouldn’t hear them any time soon, but Andrew could do this because who else was there to see it?

After a moment, Neil rolled over with a sleepily lazy smile. Andrew’s heart froze. Neil reached out and gently carded his hand once through Andrew’s hair, then hovered his palm over Andrew’s cheek.

“Yes or no?” he murmured ever so softly. Andrew nodded and Neil let his hand fall, pressing his palm against Andrew’s cheek lightly.

“I love you, too, you know,” Neil breathed quietly. Andrew felt his cheeks flame against his will; he was glad it was dark and Neil couldn’t see his blush.

“A hundred and seven percent, Josten,” was Andrew’s only response, but he reached up to set his hand over Neil’s despite his gruff tone.

Neil only smiled that infuriatingly sweet smile and drifted to