Assessment Item 3 Critique

Assessment Item Three Critique

Manuscript Title: 5D

Author of the primary work: Matthew Nichols

Student who is critiquing the manuscript: Sean West

Synopsis:

This story follows James, a journalist too curious for his own good, and his quest to discover the secrets that lay within a cult. People have been going missing, fleeing their families and homes to join this new and sinister revolution. Our Earth is one of many. There are others for each of the five dimensions, and perhaps even more. The Archdeacon has James in his possession and is about to show him a world he could never have imagined in all of his wildest dreams…or wildest nightmares. There, he is greeted by a warped humanoid race called the Jaie (or Angels). These creatures, thought

Each seem quite balanced to each other. There isn’t too much exposition to bog down the flow of the writing. However, I do feel like there is a point at which the dialogue in the exposition becomes quite clunky (Refer to Mechanics section). The description of the settings and characters could be tweaked and improved, so as to enhance the sinister and supernatural elements of the story. I feel this would really increase the quality of the writing and heighten the interest of the reader. The writer’s style is very science-fiction/fantasy-based, which suits the piece very well. This is clearly a genre the writer feels comfortable writing in. He has chosen to attempt world building in this story and I think, for the most part, he pulls it off quite well. The point of view established is third person past tense. I think perhaps playing with first person present tense could give the piece a new spin and make the tension more immediate. But this is ultimately up to the author and not me. The chosen point of view is maintained well throughout and doesn’t lapse into any

• “Ill” to I’ll” no, I’d actually change it to “We’ll show you” –much, much creepier, as if “they” have been listening the entire time, less hopeful tone, turns out to be much darker

Publication:

I think there is a fair amount of work to do before this work would be suitable for publication. But the core structure and voice of the story is definitely interesting and engaging. I’d stick with it, sort out the mechanical errors and trim the prose to a concise, hard-hitting final copy. I enjoyed reading editing this story very