Ap-Smacking Is Wrong

In day-to-day life, people commit all kinds of sins that may not seem that heinous to others. Jaywalkers, for example, are not as brutal and unrelenting in the public’s eye as a vicious serial killer who carries around a chainsaw. However, some meager sins are extremely annoying to certain individuals, leaving them with the notion that the sinners must be punished in the depths of hell. “Sins” like chewing with one’s mouth wide open, being too confident in one’s own abilities, killing animals without utilizing them for food, and, most of all, spoiling movies have, for centuries, left people cringing and debating whether the consequences for hurting someone are worth facing. Therefore, there are certain sections and circles of hell devoted

Lip-smacking is a common term used to describe the incredibly frustrating and disgusting sounds that result from one chewing with their mouth open. This disgusting sound made as one enjoys their food leaves everyone within a ten-foot radius at risk of gagging and wishing they had earplugs. As a result, the punishment that suits these specific sinners most occurs in the circle of gluttony found in hell, defined by its presence of those who indulge at the expense of others. As the lip-smackers proceed, little do they know that they will be forever chewed up by the sharp, yellow teeth of Satan himself. Their bodies will not decompose, exposing them to endless pain and ear-splitting noise. This punishment provides justice to all those whose “ears bled” and “stomachs turned” at the sounds and sights of those earthly sinners. The extremely annoying punishment provided by Satan maintains the homeostasis in the universe that lip-smackers enjoy

Like the lip-smackers, these sinners do not think about those around them as they seek their own happiness and fulfillment in life. Arrogance displays a certain egotism fueled by one’s own feelings about themselves. For example, people who assume that they are the smartest being to ever walk on the earth deserve proper symbolic retribution in hell. They often brag about their scores on tests, and they always have an excuse for why they do poorly in a subject. For these sinners that blind themselves with their own self-confidence, blindfolds and duct tape await in hell. Blindfolded and with mouths covered by tape, these arrogant fools will not be able to see or brag about their “importance” in the world. The future sufferers in hell will realize their whole lives were led in vain, for they will never be able to exclaim their profound academic and athletic abilities to others