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Classification Essay: The Types of Drinkers

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“I drink to make other people more interesting.”
― Ernest Hemingway


In the great world of tending bar there is a myriad selection of customers one would encounter; The Social Drinker, The Self Defined Outcast, The Fish Out of Water, and last but never the least, The Freshman. Each level of drinker has its advantages in social circles and also has equal negative repercussions. Most of these classes aren't built from years of drinking, rather are formed through the personality traits they already have developed through their childhood and young adulthood. Only when alcohol is introduced to the equation, we see these great classifications shine through and become polished for all to enjoy.

In the wild, one would typically encounter the common Social Drinker before all others. This class is rampant through the wasteland's strip bar culture in most urban sprawls. They commonly drink with one or more others of their kind, mostly drinking colorful shots made with fruity vodkas. The sightings start as early as 3:00 pm on weekdays when most others are at work. These drinkers are the bartender's best customer most of the time due to there usual 1.00$ tip for each drink they order and rarely make unneeded work for the bar keep; Starting fights, keeping the bar top clean, and mostly, not too loud. However, this classification opens the door for more treacherous foe.

The hardest to engage and even classify is The Self Defined Outcast. The minute they walk into the bar they usually eye up the bar and stay, but only if there is Social Drinkers. The reasoning I presume for this action is due to not wanting to drink alone in a bar, but still drink alone in a corner, or at the end of the bar. With their he...


... middle of paper ...


...he air with gusto. Everyone in the bar saw it coming and yet the bartender still let it happen.. I would like to call it boredom on the bartender's behalf due to wanting something to stir up the crowd and get the Freshman out the door and make the scene balanced once again.

The next time you walk into a bar and see that all the elements seem to be at balance and the bartender is smiling ear to ear, you'll know that this will be the bar you'll stay at. The Social Drinker came early and set the stage by drinking with the Outcast, making him socially acceptable. The Freshman has already been kicked out for dropping his third beer and The Fish Out Of Water is starting drinking games, all the while, Huey Lewis And The News is blaring from the speakers. A bartender dreams of this perfect balance of Bar goers on a nightly basis and here it is at-last.


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