Book Review of Hot Buttons: How to Resolve Conflict and Cool Everyone Down Title: Hot Buttons: How To Resolve Conflict And Cool Everyone Down Publisher: Cliff Street Books Place of Publication: New York Year of Publication: 2000 Number of Pages: 336 Price of the Book: Price ranges from $ .46 to $23 depending if the book is new, used, hard cover, paperback, or collectible. The book "Hot Buttons: How To Resolve Conflict And Cool Everyone Down" talks about conflict management. The following is a background on the contributors: - Sybil Evans is a nationally recognized specialist in conflict resolution and diversity issues. As president of the consulting firm Sybil Evans Associates, Evans is a widely sought after trainer and speaker, enriching the relationship skills of individuals and Fortune 500 companies, including Campbell's Soup, Avon, Lucent Technologies, and AT&T. She is also the author of "Resolving Conflict in a Diverse Workplace". - Sherry Suib Cohen is the author of eighteen Books, a contributing editor to McCall's, and an award-winning member of the American Society of Journalists and Authors. The book is organized as follows: Chapter 1 -- What's a Hot Button? Chapter 2 -- Hot Buttons Everywhere! Chapter 3 -- Hot Buttons: Hazardous to Your Health! Chapter 4 -- What Pushes Your Buttons? Chapter 5 -- Hot Buttons and Intimacy Chapter 6 -- Hot Buttons and the Family Chapter 7 -- Hot Buttons and Children Chapter 8 -- Hot Buttons and Friendship Chapter 9 -- Hot Buttons and the Workplace Chapter 10 -- The Magic of Your Mind The book's core concept is to develop cooperative collaborations that generate win-win solutions that everyone wants to implement. These are built from a five-step process: 1) Watch what's going on like you are a part of an audience to a play so you experience detachment and objectivity. This helps calm you down. 2) Confirm the validity of the other person's point of view to them in order to help calm them down and positively engage their attention. 3) After the other person's anger is sufficiently diffused, ask questions neutrally and respectfully to get more information. 4) Assert your own interests and needs in terms of the other person's perspective and story. The other person now listens to you because you first listened to them.
O’Rourke, J. & Collins, S. (2008). Managing Conflict and Workplace Relationships. New York: Cengage Learning.
2. Describe the problem, be specific, get both sides of the story, and separate feelings from the facts.
Abigail, R. A., & Cahn, D. D. (2011). Managing conflict through communication. 4th Ed. Boston: Allyn and Bacon.
Blake & Mouton, 1984. "Interpersonal Conflict and Conflict Management." Devito, Joseph A. The Interpersonal Communications Book. Boston: Pearson, Allyn & Bacon, 2009. 279-280.
...e personality clashes or warring egos, I believe it is important to act as a mediator that actively listens, when using confrontation techniques. Managing the conflict is about finding a mutual solution that is amicable to all parties concerned. For the mediator it is most important to have the ability to define the problem while acting as an intercessor and look for alternatives in its resolution while diffusing the conflict.
Listen even when you feel what the other person is saying isn't important; the likelihood is that it is important to them and you should give them the respect and courtesy of really listening. This also models the respect and courtesy that you would like them to display.
Many people enjoy working or participating in a group or team, but when a group of people work together chances are that conflicts will occur. Hazleton describes conflict as the discrepancy between what is the perceived reality and what is seen as ideal (2007). “We enter into conflicts reluctantly, cautiously, angrily, nervously, confidently- and emerge from them battered, exhausted, sad, satisfied, triumphant. And still many of us underestimate or overlook the merits of conflict- the opportunity conflict offers every time it occurs” (Schilling, nd.). Conflict does not have to lead to a hostile environment or to broken relationships. Conflict if resolved effectively can lead to a positive experience for everyone involved. First, there must be an understanding of the reasons why conflicts occur. The conflict must be approached with an open mind. Using specific strategies can lead to a successful resolution for all parties involved. The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument states “there are five general approaches to dealing with conflict. The five approaches are avoidance, accommodation, competition, compromise, and collaboration. Conflict resolution is situational and no one approach provides the best or right approach for all circumstances” (Thomas, 2000).
Collaboration begins with networking, coordination, and cooperation and then requires team members to share decisions, responsibility, and trust. It requires that team members invest time and energy to come up with options and design strategies for carrying out these plans. Because collaboration requires lots of time and energy, it is impossible to make all decisions collaboratively. In some instances, the desired result can be achieved through networking, coordination, or cooperation. Working together, or collaboratively, invites participation of multiple service providers and the use of multiple resources. See the Student Stories below for examples of collaboration in action.
Before we can offer advice, suggest solutions, or effectively interact with another person in any way, we must seek to deeply understand them and their perspective through listening, we don’t seek to deeply understand the problem first. Habit 5 says that we must seek first to understand, then to be understood. In order to seek to understand, we must learn to listen. We can’t simply use one technique to understand someone. If a person senses that were manipulating them, they will question our motives and will no longer feel safe opening up to us.
Thomas, K. W. (1992). Conflict and conflict management: Reflections and update. . Journal Of Organizational Behavior, 13(3), 265-274.
...e any conflict is to become calm an effective communicator. Reinforcing your listening skills are a must when looking to further your communication skills. Let’s face it you want to listen well before setting a plan of action. Never jump into any conversation unprepared, not only can it cause conflict but you can lose credibility if the meaning of what you are trying to say is lost. Verbal communication is always best, talking to another individual face to face is a good idea this way you can judge their reactions by their body language and you can express the correct meaning. But, remember that verbal is not the only form of communication. Your nonverbal communication can say a lot to the receiver (ie. body language). Use supportive messages rather than defensive ones can be more productive. Any conflict can be resolved through correct and effective communication.
Levine, S. (1998) Getting to resolution turning conflict into collaboration. San Francisco, CA, Berrett-Koehler, (p.125)
... understand the other side’s point of view. All parties are able to identify areas of agreement and disagreement, creatively explore and evaluate alternatives, and select solutions to which they are all committed. Though collaborating is the only win-win approach preferred to resolving conflicts in many situations, there is time and place for the other styles as they may better meet the needs of the situation.
Swinton, Lyndsay (2006). Workplace Conflict Management: Strategy for Successful Resolution. Retrieved November 14, 2010 from http://www.mftrou.com/workplace-conflict-management-strategy.html
...lem or situation with anyone that needs to be dealt with I won’t just let things go I will address the situation, without coming off rude but also keeping it very unbiased and neutral so whoever I 'm dealing with will feel comfortable to communicate back in effective manner as well. I communicated more effectively using the communication concepts of perception checking, responsive listening, and self-disclosure to more pleasantly get information and details to help my brother and I’s rocky relationship. No longer do we fight for no reason because now I have taught him some of the skills for communication and he actually has been usuing them to his advantage as well. I learned that being an effective communicator can make a huge difference no longer do I need to walk on egg shells when you can comfront a situation quickly and then it’s resolved and you can move on.